Learning to say NO!!

Just say no!


It sounds easy to do but unfortunately, most of us have a hard time saying no. The word no causes us to feel stressed out, guilty and can instill a sense of fear which causes us to say yes when we mean no. Every time we say yes instead of no, it starts the vicious cycle. We say yes and immediately get angry out ourselves for saying yes and putting ourselves under stress. The rest of the day is filled with a mix of anger and stress. Once we do the favor we said yes about, we feel guilt for getting so angry and stressed because it all worked itself out. This is a vicious cycle I have felt way too many times. I have made a commitment to myself to start saying no. Every time we say no, we can remind ourselves that we just avoided a stressful day. We can now have the time to do important things we need to get done.

Saying no takes practice but here are a few tips to making it a little easier

  1. Say no but be sympathetic – you can say ”I’m sorry but I just can’t do that today”. You don’t have to explain why. If someone asks why then just add it doesn’t fit into your schedule. A true friend will understand and drop it.
  2.  You can also give options – you might not be able to do what they are asking BUT you might be able to help out so offer what you can do and let the person decide what they want.
  3. You can also express that you wish you could by saying….” I wish I could help but…” or” I would have loved to But I can’t…” The truth is a lot of times we wish we could help but we just can’t and that is ok.
  4. Give yourself permission to say no. We want to help others and we feel bad when we can’t but if we keep saying yes when we mean no, we only hurt ourselves. It’s ok to put yourself first. We need to give ourselves permission to take care of ourselves.
  5.  Let go of fear – we sometimes don’t say no due to fear. We fear hurting others, we fear conflict, we fear losing friends, etc. Instead let go of the fear and answer the questions without fear. This is a great exercise into living a fearless life.
  6. No is a powerful world. Its puts us back in the driver’s seat. Take responsibility for your life and say yes only when you mean it.

About Finding your happiness

Diane Lang is a Therapist, educator, author and life coach. Diane has two books: Baby steps the path from motherhood to Career and Creating balance & finding happiness. Diane works as a Therapist and also is an adjunct at Montclair State University. This blog will help educate and empower you to live your best life! For more information please visit her website: www.dlcounseling.com
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