Fear is a Happiness compass

Fear is actually a good thing; it’s a compass to happiness.  A crisis wouldn’t be a crisis if it didn’t scare you. So, next time you feel afraid and a crisis hits, instead of getting upset and nervous, stop for a second and ask yourself these three questions:


1. What is supposed to happen here?


2. What wasn’t I listening to?


3. What needs to change?


Then thank your fear for leading you in the right direction. Just think back to every crisis you have had and how it was only temporary and it eventually led you down a better path. The divorce that ended up putting you with your soul mate. The firing from a job that ended up leading you into your career. The illness that made you stop in your tracks and ended up teaching you to enjoy life and now you have fun and better relationships. Crisis are wake up calls because you weren’t listening to your higher self. You were ignoring the true you. So, next crisis change your perspective to questioning what is truly going on? What do I really want? What did I miss? Then slow down and be still and listen for the answer. The answer is there. It’s been there all along, you just never paid attention to it. If you don’t pay attention now, there will be another crisis just around the corner. The choice is yours. It’s your choice and your responsibility how you live your life. So fear can be a blessing,” Diane Lang says.



After a crisis and a true wake up to your higher self, you start realizing fear is not necessary and you can hear your true self without all the hoopla going on around you. We don’t have to reach bottom to hear our calling but if you have a crisis, use it for what it’s worth. A crisis helps you shed the old negative thoughts and patterns that are no longer useful or serving you. You have had enough and want more. A crisis is an ending of something we don’t need anymore. It’s not servicing us. So we have a crisis to end it, grieve it and then find the new. The fresh start that awaits us. The light after the end of the storm. Love thy fear.



Here are nine ways to break out of the “fear rut” we may be stuck in:


1. Realize you’re not alone – most people live in the same fear patterns. We are raised this way. Fear is a learned trait. We watch our parents be fearful, we have news that tells us to be fearful and then we get hurt and it proves to us that we should live in fear. By knowing you’re not alone and that everyone feels just as vulnerable and scared, helps us to be empathetic to everyone else. After we feel empathetic to others, we can start finding the empathy and self compassion towards ourselves.


2. Accept your fear – don’t deny your fear or try to hide it. Face it, accept it and then move past it. When we can truly admit to ourselves that we have fear, then we can work past it. A lot of our patterns are based on fear but we are just not conscious of it. Just by awakening to the realization that we live in fear starts the process of change. Once you accept it then you can make the choice to let it go and move past it. It’s a choice. Do you choose to live in fear or take a risk?



3. This goes back to the old saying you can’t succeed until you have failed. You need to take risks to be successful and happy. Even if we make a mistake or fail, we learn from it so it’s never a bad move. We also get a feeling of accomplishment from trying. We start appreciating our effort as much as winning or losing. So take a risk, make a mistake; it’s a win-win situation.



4. By being vulnerable and taking risks we realize we really can’t control everything. It brings us back to reality. If we have controlling and perfection traits, we will always feel stressed out and fearful but when we realize we don’t have control over anything but ourselves and our reactions we can start to focus on what’s really in our power and start seeing results.



5. When we are fearful it is a wake up call to pause and reevaluate what’s going on. To make new choices. We can become curious about new opportunities or ways of doing things. We can look at things from a new perspective Instead of remaining in fear we can look at it as an opportunity to try something new.



6. If we truly accept fear we don’t have to mask it with food, drugs, shopping, etc. If we accept our fear we don’t have to be so angry. Fear causes anger as a defense mechanism from being vulnerable. When we are hurt or scared we become angry; it’s easier then dealing with the vulnerability.



7. When you become aware your being fearful then you can do a few things to calm your fear before it turns into anger. What self soothes you – music, exercise, nature, warm bath, etc? Use Meditation Breathing techniques to relax the physical symptoms. Self talk – I talk back to my fear by asking myself questions: What am I truly fearful of? Is it really that scary or am I making it worse/exaggerating my fear? What would happen if I felt the fear but did it anyway? What would happen if I let fear control my actions and didn’t do anything? Would I regret that decision?



8. Realize that our biggest fear is death. This again is something we can’t control and to worry about; it is a waste of time. I have learned to change my perspective on death. I have a spiritual perspective and believe that our physical body dies but our soul continues on. This perspective has changed my view/fear of death. Know there is something bigger then us. Find your spiritual side. Having a sense of spirituality let’s us know that there is something bigger than us and that has a comforting and peaceful effect on us.



9. Know how your body reacts to fear and stress. Do you get headaches, stomachaches, neck pain, TMJ, etc. When we can sense the physical symptoms we can use that as a red flag- a warning to stop and ask the important question: What am I afraid of?





About Finding your happiness

Diane Lang, practicing therapist, national speaker, educator, and certified positive psychology coach, has her master’s degree in counseling and is an adjunct in psychology at Montclair State University. She has written three books, and has been featured in various publications, and on TV and Internet shows. Diane speaks on various mental and emotional health topics including Happiness, Resiliency, Stress management, Parenting Positive Aging, Anxiety, and Depression in both teens and adults. Diane also specializes in Positive Psychology Positive Education and Positive Parenting. Thousands of individuals have benefited from Diane’s motivational and educational speaking, trainings, and coaching. Her Hands-on approach along with her background, education and experience has proven to be beneficial to all who attend her presentation. To learn more on how you could bring Diane to your organization please email dlcounselingmedia@gmail.com
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