Declutter your anger with Forgiveness – when we hold onto anger, the only person we are hurting is our self. We can’t move forward and be truly happy while we are still feeling angry, resentful and hurt. Sometimes the person we need to forgive is our self and other times, its another person who has hurt us. For some it’s both.
When some one hurts us they do it for two reasons.
* It is a condition of their past – they are just repeating the cycle of hurt
* They are trying to avoid there own pain and suffering.
Feeling your emotions
* The first step is acknowledging the feelings of anger
* The second step is being open and willing to change – are you ready to let go of your anger and move forward in life? To release the victim feeling you have been holding on to and replace it with a sense of freedom?
* Third step is having support – I have not seen many people do it on their own. Make sure you have people in your life who you can talk to, who are supportive and loving. If needed, get professional help.
The myths of forgiveness
* The person needs to be in our life – we can forgive people even when they are gone. In a personal note, I didn’t forgive someone until they passed away. Its never to late to forgive.
* Forgiveness means the person needs to be in your life – that is a choice. Its up to you whether you keep a relationship with the person who has hurt you. Ask yourself a few questions:
Did the person hurt me intentionally?
Will what they did even matter in a few months?
This can help you make a good choice.
* Forgiveness means what the person did is justified or right – that is never the case. When we forgive it doesn’t mean what the person did is right or justified. Forgiveness is done for you so you can move forward not to justify their actions.
* Forgiveness means to forget their actions – it means to let go not forget. I don’t want my clients to forget. I want them to learn from the past and make the necessary changes to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Forgiveness is part of the healing process. Don’t set up any time frame or expectations. Be patient and kind with yourself.
To truly forgive you must be able to do two things:
1. Be empathetic with the person who hurt you – imagine yourself in their shoes. This means look at the big picture/see the whole person not just the hurt they caused.
*What lead them to the behavior that caused so much pain?
*What happen in their past to make them repeat the behavior?
2. Find compassion- yes it sounds crazy while your angry but when you truly forgive someone, you start to see their pain and you can understand their story and the reasons that could of contributed to their actions. Again, it doesn’t make their actions right but you can now see things from a different perspective.
3. Consequences – if we don’t forgive and hold on to the anger we will suffer both physical and emotional consequences. One of the main causes of being unhealthy is stress.