Why failure feels so comfortable

Why failure feels so comfortable

For many, making mistakes feels comfortable. They can justify their beliefs about themselves; Of course I failed….I’m a failure! Another mistakes, what else is new? Nothing good happens to me, Doesn’t shock me I made a mistake I expected it, etc.

This keeps us in a safe place. This mistake/failure just confirms what we were already thinking about ourselves.

We need to break this cycle of how we look at mistakes immediately. We need to trust in our mistakes as stepping stones into our right path. Mistakes become opportunities when we can look at it as an open door to our right path in life. Mistakes can keep the fear of success at arm’s length – every time we fail, we feel a sense of safety. We won’t have to worry such things as: What if I did succeed then what? Or how would I handle success?

We could use mistakes/failure like a defense mechanism. If we stay the same then nothing changes and I know how to handle myself this way. Its way more familiar and comfortable.

Challenge your mistakes:

Take some time pick out your biggest mistake/failure and choose to see them in a different perspective. It is a choice how you see each mistake or failure.

Think about each mistake/failure as a learning project. Go through the mistake/failure and ask yourself:

What did I learn from this mistake/failure?

What could I change so it won’t happen again and I won’t repeat the same mistake?

How did I cope with the situation?

Did I take responsibility for my part of the mistake/failure?

Did I forgive myself for making a mistake?

How do I talk to myself when I fail or make a mistake? Do I say such things as: I’m such a failure/loser? Or do I say to myself: It’s ok to make mistakes, its part of life now what did I learn from it?

How do you interpret your mistakes? How we see our mistakes/failures is important in how we handle them and cope with the consequences of our mistakes. So, do you see your mistake as a chance to learn, grow and do something even better or do you see it as a justification for your stupid self (or whatever word you use to criticize yourself)?

The aftermath of the mistake/failure is a great time to ask yourself: Did I survive? Did I grow stronger from it? Did I make better choices due to the mistake? Become a better person?

How we perceive our mistakes/failure makes all the difference in how resilient we are. It’s impossible not to make mistakes. We are all prone to make numerous mistakes in our lives. How you choose to view it will make all the difference. How we treat ourselves during and after the failure is a true testament to how we feel about ourselves inside.

 

 

 

 

About Finding your happiness

Diane Lang, practicing therapist, national speaker, educator, and certified positive psychology coach, has her master’s degree in counseling and is an adjunct in psychology at Montclair State University. She has written three books, and has been featured in various publications, and on TV and Internet shows. Diane speaks on various mental and emotional health topics including Happiness, Resiliency, Stress management, Parenting Positive Aging, Anxiety, and Depression in both teens and adults. Diane also specializes in Positive Psychology Positive Education and Positive Parenting. Thousands of individuals have benefited from Diane’s motivational and educational speaking, trainings, and coaching. Her Hands-on approach along with her background, education and experience has proven to be beneficial to all who attend her presentation. To learn more on how you could bring Diane to your organization please email dlcounselingmedia@gmail.com
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2 Responses to Why failure feels so comfortable

  1. jamesjgentilesco says:

    My thoughts…

    Failure is not the end in life. We do not live to experience failure. If it is success that we want, then success is best left those who already see themselves as successful–and who take actions that are consistent with that. This is a viewpoint that “success” is a stand we take in life, something to be–rather than something to prove. Then there is no need to get what we already are; and we live life from creation rather than reaction.

  2. anne says:

    Great peice

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