Rebuilding your relationship with yourself

Rebuilding Your Relationship With Yourself:
By: Diane Lang
We must remind ourselves to have strong, trusting, good relationships with others, we need to have a good relationship with ourselves. This is the foundation. If we love ourselves, trust and believe in ourselves then we are ready to have good relationships with others. When we have been hurt, lied to, cheated on, abused, etc, we have to start from scratch and rebuild the relationship with ourselves. Each and everyone of us has been hurt and the odds are we might be again. That’s okay, it’s all part of being human and we can always rebuild our relationship with ourselves.

5 Steps to Rebuilding your Relationship with YOURSELF:

1. Learn about yourself: what are your strengths and weaknesses? What do you love? Brings you purpose? What brings happiness? Flow?
You start learning about yourself by taking a personality test such as the VIA strength test or Myers Briggs test. These tests will help you find your strengths and weaknesses.
Take some time to ask yourself the important questions:
What do I love? What makes me feel excited and alive?
What makes me happy? How do I define happiness?
How do I define success?
What brings me Flow?

2. Self-care: making sure your basic needs are met? How is your diet? Are you getting enough sleep? Daily exercise? Meditate?

3. Showing ourselves kindness and compassion: we know change is a constant in our lives but the one thing that is for sure is: You are with yourself for the rest of your life. Being that this is for sure, treat yourself with compassion and kindness. Become aware of your self-talk. Is it negative? A good way to find out is to do “The Snap to Awareness” exercise. Wear a rubber band for a week and snap every time you say or think something negative. This will give you some awareness to your negativity. After a week of noticing and becoming aware of your negativity, you can start the change process by every time you say or think something negative you say stop or picture a stop sign. Something the symbolizes you to stop the negative thought and replace it with a different thought.

4. Check in with yourself both physically and emotionally: Do a mind-body check. Ask yourself:
How am I feeling emotionally? physically? What am I thinking? Any changes I’m noticing? Pay special attention to where you hold stress on your body. If your having more stomach issues, headaches, joint pain, etc then ask yourself what’s going on? What changes do I need to make? You hold stress on your body so noticing the changes in your body is a warning sign that something is going on and you need to make some changes.

5. Release the negative personality traits that we learned and replace with positive emotions.

Negative traits that cause stress and anxiety – the traits are all learned which means you can changes them. Start be noticing the traits you have and making the choice to change them.
Control issues.
Looking for acceptance/approval from outside ourselves.
Fear that stops you from making changes and moving forward.
Lack of communication.
Can’t say “No”.
Holding onto trauma and childhood issues.
The need to be “Type A Personality”.

Add positive emotions into your day by adding a little more of each emotion as often as possible:
Kindness – do one random act of kindness per day
Gratitude – ask yourself what are 2-3 things I’m grateful for
Inspiration – Watch an inspiring movie or Ted talk
Love – give and receive love by a hug, cuddle, warm touch, hold hands, kiss, etc
Hope – inspirational movies/films give you hope.
Awe/Wonderment – look at the beauty that surrounds you whether its the flowers that bloom in the spring time, the sun rising or setting, the cuteness of your pet or a child, etc.

APRIL 2016 Workshops

Monday, April 4, 7pm – Declutter Your Life and Reduce Stress

Emerson Community School, NJ

Phone: 201-262-5502

Tuesday, April 5, 6:30pm – Re-Train Your Brain for Success

Hofstra University, NY

Phone: 516-463-7200

Saturday, April 9, 2pm – Letting Go of Anger and Finding Forgiveness

Warren Township Library, NJ

Phone: 908-754-5554

Monday, April 11, 7pm – Positive Psychology

Morris Hills Adult School, NJ

Phone: 973-664-2295

Tuesday, April 12, 7pm – Bullying 101

Morristown Community School, NJ

Phone: 973-292-2063

Wednesday, April 13, 7pm – Stress Less and Savor More

Emerson Community School, NJ

Phone: 201-262-5502

Saturday, April 16, 12pm – Positive Psychology – A 4 Hour Workshop

The Academi of Life, NYC

Phone: 212-333-3950

Monday, April 18, 7pm – Stress Less and Savor More

Morris Hills Adult School, NJ

Phone: 973-664-2295

Tuesday, April 19, 7pm – Creating a Work – Life Balance

Morristown Community School, NJ

Phone: 973-292-2063

Wednesday, April 20, 7pm – I am Enough

Ramsey Community School, NJ

Phone: 201-327-2025

Thursday, April 21, 6:30pm- Positive Psychology

Totowa Public Library, NJ

Phone: 973-790-3265

Thursday, April 28, 6pm – Declutter Your Life and Reduce Stress

Monroe Township Community Education, NJ

Phone: 732-521-1500 ext 5248

Thursday, April 28, 8pm – Positive Psychology

Monroe Township Community Education, NJ

Phone: 732-521-1500 ext 5248

About Finding your happiness

Diane Lang, practicing therapist, national speaker, educator, and certified positive psychology coach, has her master’s degree in counseling and is an adjunct in psychology at Montclair State University. She has written three books, and has been featured in various publications, and on TV and Internet shows. Diane speaks on various mental and emotional health topics including Happiness, Resiliency, Stress management, Parenting Positive Aging, Anxiety, and Depression in both teens and adults. Diane also specializes in Positive Psychology Positive Education and Positive Parenting. Thousands of individuals have benefited from Diane’s motivational and educational speaking, trainings, and coaching. Her Hands-on approach along with her background, education and experience has proven to be beneficial to all who attend her presentation. To learn more on how you could bring Diane to your organization please email
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1 Response to Rebuilding your relationship with yourself

  1. Pingback: Cryptoquote Spoiler – 04/25/16 | Unclerave's Wordy Weblog

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