Our Biggest Fear

Our biggest fear: I am not enough.

By: Diane Lang

Our biggest fear is never being enough and feeling unworthy. We can cover up this fear with anger, sadness, jealousy, comparing ourselves to others, perfectionism, etc. But, underneath it all, still lies the same fear: Am I enough?

Let me give an example: If you are cheated on by your significant other, you will feel angry, hurt, betrayed, disrespected, etc. But underneath that, it is the fear: will anyone else love me? was I not good enough? pretty enough? thin enough? smart enough? etc.

Our society has created a world where it’s normal to feel less than. When we watch TV, see ads on our computers, read magazines its all around us.

The commercials are telling us what to buy to be thinner, look younger, be more attractive, be more sexual, etc. After reading a magazine or watching TV, we often ask ourselves why we don’t look like the actor on the show? why don’t we have the new car? why don’t we have enough money?

My social media sites tells me I don’t have enough friends, likes or social plans. Social media gives me the ability to compare myself to the rest of the world on a daily basis which is a sure fire way to set yourself up for failure.

The news lets me know their is negativity across the globe – terrorism, natural disasters, crime, murders, etc.

All of this can lead us to feeling like we are not enough, unworthy and constantly in a state of comparison. This way of thinking is dangerous and causes us to be more closed off, doubt our self-worth and to avoid new people and opportunities. This type of world creates fear.

Instead what if we decided to take risks, challenge ourselves, open ourselves up to new people and possibilities and become vulnerable?

When we decide to take mistakes and failures and learn from them, admit our mistakes or failures, listen to constructive criticism and feedback, we are vulnerable but we also learn how to do better and be better. It helps us grow and move forward.

When we decide to live by choosing love – loving others, loving and accepting ourselves this leads to being an authentic person. Being our true self is being in a state of vulnerability, your mask has been removed and you are free to be yourself. Imagine how much your life would change, if you were being your true self?

When we think of vulnerability most of us think of weakness. All the sentences above are signs of strength. They show that we have made the choice to pick love over fear. We have made the choice to take off our mask and show our true self. Its choosing new possibilities instead of our comfort zone. Its choosing to live over stagnation and frustration.

How do you choose to live?

JUNE Workshops 2016:

Wednesday, June 1 through June 29th, 10:30am – Letting Go of Anger & Finding Forgiveness
Rutgers University, NJ
Register: 848-932-6554

Thursday, June 2, 1pm – Healthy Relationships with Your Adult Kids
Montville Public Library, NJ
Register for Free Workshop 973- 402-0900

Wednesday, June 8, 1pm – Letting Go of Anger & Finding Forgiveness
Mount Saint Mary’s College, NY
Register: 845-565-2076

Thursday, June 9, 1pm – Dealing with Negative People
Montville Public Library, NJ
Register for Free Workshop 973-402-0900

Thursday, June 9, 7pm – Letting Go of Anger & Finding Forgiveness
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 ext 2224

Wednesday, June 15 & 22, 10:30am – Finding Fulfillment over 50
Montclair Adult School, NJ
973-744-0500 ext 2224

Thursday, June 16 6:30pm – Positive Psychology
Totowa Public Library, NJ
Register for Free Workshop: 973-790-3265

Thursday, June 23, 7pm – Happiness in Teens – A Workshop for Teens and Parents
Mount Olive Public Library, NJ
Register for Free Workshop: 973-691-8686

About Finding your happiness

Diane Lang, practicing therapist, national speaker, educator, and certified positive psychology coach, has her master’s degree in counseling and is an adjunct in psychology at Montclair State University. She has written three books, and has been featured in various publications, and on TV and Internet shows. Diane speaks on various mental and emotional health topics including Happiness, Resiliency, Stress management, Parenting Positive Aging, Anxiety, and Depression in both teens and adults. Diane also specializes in Positive Psychology Positive Education and Positive Parenting. Thousands of individuals have benefited from Diane’s motivational and educational speaking, trainings, and coaching. Her Hands-on approach along with her background, education and experience has proven to be beneficial to all who attend her presentation. To learn more on how you could bring Diane to your organization please email dlcounselingmedia@gmail.com
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