Loving yourself without conditions

Loving Yourself Unconditionally:
By: Diane Lang

If I asked you “Do you love yourself unconditionally?” …Could you say yes? I know for me, I have to remind myself to love unconditionally no matter what is going on with my life. Being raised in an environment where love has conditions, makes it hard for us to love ourselves without conditions. We are hardest on ourselves. It’s important  for us to remove the conditions and to love ourselves as we are, even through our darkest days.

5 Ways To Love Yourself Without Conditions:

1. Every night I ask myself, “What are 2-3 things I did well today?”  For a lot of us, at the end of the day, we can’t shut our thoughts off, and for many of us, the thoughts are negative. We rehash in our head what we did wrong, what didn’t work or what we forget to do. Instead, let’s change the negativity to positivity by ending our night going over the good in our day, the things we did well. Don’t look for big things, it could be the little things that you did well that makes the difference.

2. Self Compassion: Instead of judging and criticizing ourselves, we need to show kindness and love. When things go wrong in our life, listen to the negative self talk that pops up. The autopilot thoughts that remind us that nothing ever goes right or that we are stupid or a failure.
When you hear those autopilot thoughts repeating themselves, tell it to stop! You can say STOP out loud or to yourself. You can visualize a stop sign or red light. Whatever will help you to stop the negative thoughts in their tracks.
Once you stop the thoughts, start with kindness and compassion. Remind yourself of the effort you made, the risk you took, the accomplishments you have had in the past. Remind yourself of what you learned from the situation but without being judgmental or critical.

3. Emotional detox: If you are surrounded by negative, toxic people, it’s hard to feel good about anything. Instead, hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself. When you spend time with someone, you should leave with a boost of happiness. If you find yourself feeling drained or down, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.

4. Put yourself first: You can’t give what you don’t have! If you are not taking care of yourself, how could you be your best for everyone else? Putting yourself first means self-care, saying “no” and doing things that you enjoy.

5. Forgiveness: When you love yourself unconditionally, you learn that you will make mistakes. That’s part of being human and the growth process. Instead, of spending time putting yourself down, take that time to forgive yourself. Take the time to realize why you made the mistake, what you could do differently next time. Ask yourself, what did you learn and how did it change you for the the better? We will all make mistakes, it’s normal and expected so instead of beating yourself up for each mistake, try forgiveness. With forgiveness comes unconditional love.
Unconditional Love Exercise: On a piece of paper, make three columns. In column one, write down all your skills. In column two, write down all your roles and in column three, write down your accomplishments.
This might take some time. Clients tell me it could take a few days to remember everything. Remember, we have skills and accomplishments all the way back to childhood and they are all important.
When you are done, take a long look at the paper and everything you have written to see how much you have done, how much you have grown and accomplished. Leave this list in a place you can look at every time you are feeling unloved or like a failure to remind yourself  of all the good in your life.
 
 
“Demonstrate Love By Giving It Unconditionally To Yourself”

September Workshops 
Thursday, September 15 – October 6, 1pm – Psychology in Film
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext 2224
 
Tuesday, September 20, 7pm – Living a Mindful Life
Montclair Adult school, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext 2224
 
Wednesday, September 21, 7pm – Coaching Yourself to Success- Free Workshop
Jefferson Township Public Library, NJ
Phone: 973-208-6244
 
Saturday, September 24, 2pm – Dealing with Stress – Free Workshop
Stratford Public Library, NJ
Phone: 856-783-0602
 
Monday, September 26, 7pm – The Developing Child, Ages 3 – 6 Free Workshop
Bernard’s Township Public Library, NJ
Phone: 908-204-3031
 
Tuesday, September 27 – Tuesday, October 11, 6pm – Emotional Wellness Series
Warren Community College, NJ
Phone: 908-835-2333
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About Finding your happiness

Diane Lang is a Therapist, educator, author and life coach. Diane has two books: Baby steps the path from motherhood to Career and Creating balance & finding happiness. Diane works as a Therapist and also is an adjunct at Montclair State University. This blog will help educate and empower you to live your best life! For more information please visit her website: www.dlcounseling.com
This entry was posted in beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, development, growth, happiness, Joy, life coaching, love, Parent, parenting, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, pro-active, psychology, self help, spirituality, therapy, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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