By: Diane Lang
We have both basic physical and emotional needs. Physical needs such as sleep, diet, water and exercise are needed to feel healthy. We also have two basic emotional needs: acceptance and belonging. These are two of the hardest needs to be met.
We all try to be accepted and hope that we feel a sense of belonging but what we are doing is basing our self worth on how others feel about us. Do they accept us? Do they like us? When we look for acceptance and approval from outside ourselves, we set ourselves up for failure.
True acceptance is not about how others feel, it’s how you feel about yourself. Do you like yourself? Love yourself? Do you accept yourself, failures and mistakes included? Do you live as your authentic self? Living authentically is true acceptance.
As a coach/counselor for years, I can say that the biggest struggle I have seen, the root of our pain and fear is the thought that we’re not enough.
A sense of belonging starts at home. If we have a feel a sense of belonging and unconditional love from our parents, we can grow up with a strong sense of self and a strong foundation. We know we belong and loved. For a lot of us, this was not the case and having a lack of belonging and unconditional love can affect us all the way through to adulthood. Others develop a lack of self worth from bad relationships, losing trust, etc.
There are things we can do to start the process of loving ourselves and building up our self worth.
How to start the process of accepting and loving yourself.
1. Remove judgement towards yourself and others. Instead show yourself and others more compassion and kindness.
2. Use your mistakes and failures as teachable moments. What can you learn from each mistake/failure? What changes can I make? How can I grow?
3. Step outside of your comfort zone- stretch yourself. It’s ok to be uncomfortable and work through your fear. It’s taking a risk and growing from it. Imagine your life if you stepped outside your comfort zone? If you took chances? If you didn’t let fear stop you?
Remember- don’t judge or criticize your failures or mistakes, be kind and learn from them.
4. Spend time alone- learn to enjoy your own company. Alone time is part of self-care. You can’t take care of others, if you haven’t taken care of yourself first.
5. Daily reminder – you are worthy and deserving of a good life filled with love. It doesn’t matter how you say it, but remind yourself frequently that you are worthy because you are.
6. Stop comparing yourself to others- it sets you up for failure. If you notice you have FOMO (fear of missing out) due to social media, then start unplugging from technology. The only person you should compare yourself to is where you were yesterday. Are you giving a 100%, growing and evolving?
September Appearances 2017
Wednesday, September 13, 10am – Declutter Your Life & Reduce Stress
Great Horizon, NJ
Thursday, September 14, 10:30am – Dealing with Loss
Mount Saint Mary College, NY
Friday, September 15, 10:30am – Mindfully Happy – Waking Up to Life
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-74-0500 ext 2224
Monday, September 18 & 25, 7pm – Life after Retirement
Ramsey Adult School, NJ
Tuesday, September 19 & 26, 6:30pm – Mindfully Happy – Waking Up to Life
Warren Community College, NJ
Saturday, September 23, 10am – Single Parenting
Warwick Public Library, NY
Wednesday, September 27, 7pm – Managing Stress
Morristown Adult School, NJ
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.
Through her two books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness” and “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career.” Diane has been speaking and empowering parents and adults nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.
As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet. In addition Lang writes a blog for Pazoo.com