Don’t Take it Personally

Have you ever heard the statement “Don’t take it personally, it’s not about you” ?
Even though this statement is usually true, it’s a hard statement to accept and believe when we have been hurt by people we care about.
Taking things personally can affect our self-esteem.
It can trigger our insecure side and feelings of unworthiness.
We can feel that being treated bad is justifying our belief that we are just not enough or worthy to others.

But we do have a choice, we don’t have to take things so personally and we can manage our reactions.

Here are a few ways to stop taking things so personally:

Have a strong sense of self: knowing your worth will help you realize that other people’s behaviors and actions are not about you. It will help stop you from second guessing, assuming that you did something wrong and creating a story in your head.
Know your triggers: there will be certain things from your past that stay with you and can be triggered when you’re feeling hurt. My childhood had me dealing with many self-centered people who were close to me. When I met up with self-centered people in adulthood, it immediately triggers me. A great way to realize you are being triggered is through mind-body connection. We can tell when we are being triggered by how it affects us physically. Do you tense up? Do you get a headache? Does your stomach start turning? Pay attention to the physical reaction when near people who trigger you.
Set boundaries and limitations with people who trigger you- make sure the boundaries and limitations are healthy for you. For example: We can limit the amount of time we spend with a person or what topics we discuss. We can choose to see certain people in large groups to avoid the one-on-one conversation.
What is the story you are telling yourself? When we get hurt or upset, we create a story of why it happens. Most of the time the “why” is based on our past experiences, not based on truth or fact. We make an assumption of why someone ignored or hurt us. Then, we run with it and create a full blown story without even knowing the truth.
Remember the hard truth: we can only control ourselves and our reactions. We can’t change how others treat us but we can decide to avoid people who make us feel bad. We can also remember that their behaviors/actions are a reflection of themselves and what they are going through. Don’t make it about you when it doesn’t have to be.

October Appearances that are open to the public :

Monday, October 22nd & 29th, 7pm – Mindfully Happy – Waking Up to Life
Madison Civic Center, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222

Wednesday, October 24th, 6:30pm – Stress Less, Savor More
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Register: 973-228-2092

October 25th- November 8th, 1:30pm – Emotional Wellness Series
Sussex Community College, NJ
Register: 908-689-7613

Thursday, October 25th, 7pm – Emotional Detox – Dealing with Negative People
Morristown Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-292-2063

Tuesday, October 30th, 7pm – Stress Less, Savor More
Morristown Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-292-2063

Diane Lang ― Therapist, Educator and Life Coach

As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

For more information please visit Diane at http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

 

 

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Connecting to your Soul – Finding your Spiritual Path

Connecting To Your Soul: Finding Your Spiritual Path
By: Diane Lang

I have spent my life without any religious affiliation. I never thought much about it until the last few years.
I noticed I was looking for deeper meaning and feeling lost. I have been feeling the desire to connect to my soul.
I have so many unanswered questions: Why am I here? How do I connect to a higher power? How are we all connected? Etc.
These questions, along with my desire to find a higher power, led me down a path to spirituality. It led me into a daily practice of meditation.
My meditations are always changing. I go from guided meditations to long walks in nature, to gratitude checks, to expressive writings. Recently I have slowed down many aspects of my life so I can truly enjoy the many moments of my life, I became more mindful. I started getting off auto-pilot and becoming self-aware of the present moment, what I was thinking, feeling and seeing. This is the beginning of my spiritual path.

I wanted to share a few steps that help me connect to my soul. Remember, we all have our own paths to walk. Pick and choose any of the steps below that feel right to you.

1. Bring love to every part of your day, every connection/interaction.
2. Be present: Be in the moment, be an active listener. Truly let people know they are being heard.
3. Make every decision based on love: When making decisions, ask yourself: “Is this decision based on love or fear?”
4. Say “Thank You” often.
5. Be grateful: Say at least 1-2 things you are grateful for daily.
6. Trust yourself. (This has been my biggest challenge): The more mindful I am, the easier it is to trust myself.
7. Be your true self: Is your life self-chosen?
8. Always be in service: Random acts of kindness done daily can make a big difference in your life and the life of others. It’s a simple act of smiling, saying hi, holding the door open, giving a compliment, etc.
9. Using your passion to help others. Be aware of what parts of your life bring passion. Have a life full of meaning.
10. Step out of your own way. When we spend too much time on ourselves, we can get wrapped up in the negative and everything that is going wrong in our lives. Instead, step out of your own way and focus on others.
11. Look for God/ the source/universe in everything around you. For me, I see God in my dog, nature and chocolate! I had to add in chocolate, I thank God for the cocoa bean everyday. Where do you find God? It’s different for everyone.
12. Being open to new possibilities and opportunities, do not let fear stop you.
13. Meditate, deep breathes, stop and be still, be in observation, be without judgment.
14. Forgiveness for others and for yourself.
15. Follow your bliss: What makes you happy? Follow it? When we are happy, we spread the happiness. Moods and emotions are contagious.
16. Believe in miracles: They happen everyday. There are so many little blessings, miracles and gifts that we can find throughout the day if we just be a little more mindful.
October 2018 Events

Monday, October 1st, 7pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Kemmerer Library, Harding Township, NJ
Register: 973-267-2665

Tuesday, October 2nd, 6:30pm – Life after Retirement
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 ext. 2224

Wednesday, October 3rd,10am – Positive Aging
Great Horizons, Morris Plains, NJ
Register: 973-292-2063

Thursday, October 4th, 7pm – Life after Retirement
Ramsey Adult School, NJ
Register: 201-327-2025

Tuesday, October 9th, 7pm – Positive Aging
Emerson Community School, NJ
Register: 201-262-5502

Tuesday, October 9 – Nov 13th, 1pm – Stress Less, Savor More
Rutgers University, Lifelong Learning, NJ
Register: 848-932-6554

Wednesday, October 10th, 6:30pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Register: 973-228-2092

Thursday, October 11th, 7pm – Mindfully Happy- Waking Up to Life
Princeton Adult School, NJ
Register: 609-683-1101

Wednesday, October 17th, 630pm – Emotional Detox- Dealing with Negative People
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Register: 973-228-2092

Thursday, October 18th, 10:30am – Mind, Body & Spirit – Finding Your Balance
Mount Saint Mary College, Desmond Campus, Newburgh, NY
Register: 845-565-2076

Thursday, October 18th, 7pm – Mind, Body & Spirit – Finding Your Balance
Morristown Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-292-2063

Saturday, October 20th, 10am – Positive Aging
Northampton Community College, Monroe Campus, PA
Register: 570-369-1881

Monday, October 22nd & 29th, 7pm – Mindfully Happy – Waking Up to Life
Madison Civic Center, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222

Wednesday, October 24th, 6:30pm – Stress Less, Savor More
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Register: 973-228-2092

October 25th- November 8th, 1:30pm – Emotional Wellness Series
Sussex Community College, NJ
Register: 908-689-7613

Thursday, October 25th, 7pm – Emotional Detox – Dealing with Negative People
Morristown Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-292-2063

Tuesday, October 30th, 7pm – Stress Less, Savor More
Morristown Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-292-2063

As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her two books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness” and “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career.” Diane has been speaking and empowering parents and adults nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet. In addition Lang writes a blog for Pazoo.com

For more information please visit http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

Stop the Ruminating Thoughts

Do you find yourself constantly obsessing over negative situations? Constantly worried about the future or stuck in the past? Does it feel like there is no “Stop” button and it takes over your thoughts? Your day? This is known as rumination. Ruminating thoughts can prevent us from enjoying our lives, focusing and sleeping.

Here are 7 ways to help reduce rumination:

1. Identify The Fear – what are you afraid of? If you’re not sure of your biggest fears, start journal writing, it helps you to become self-aware.
2. What is the worst -case scenario if your fear comes true? Can you handle it? Example: If your worst-case fear is getting fired. Think about getting fired, what would happen, and could you handle it? The odds are you could. It might be tough and upsetting even scary, but could you handle it, yes!
3. Can/Can’t Control – Do you have any control, or can you change the situation? If you can’t then let it go. If you keep focusing on what you can’t change then your setting yourself up for failure. If you can change it, then set up goals and action plan. Taking action reduces our fear/anxiety.
4. Growth – look at the experience as a learnable, teachable moment. Instead of obsessing about your failure/mistake, ask yourself – what is the lesson? How can I change to avoid this situation again? How can I grow and improve myself?
5. Schedule a time to dump your worries – I have my clients either do a morning or evening dump where they write all the stressors/fear out and get them off their brain.
6. Be in the present moment- our fear is based on past baggage or anxiety of the future, when we are in the present moment everything is fine. Be more mindful – be in the moment of whatever your doing. If you find yourself thinking about something else, bring yourself back into the present moment. Meditation helps reduce anxiety and excessive worrying. Add a guided meditation routine.
7. Exercise – one of the best ways to cultivate mindfulness (be in the present moment) is through walking. Taking a walk 4-5 times a week for 20-30 minutes will help reduce anxiety, cultivate mindfulness and happiness.
September Workshops:
Thursday, September 20th & 27th, 6pm – Mind, Body & Soul – Finding Your Balance
Warren Community College, NJ
Register: 908-832-2333

Tuesday, September 25th, 1pm – How to Deal with Change and Loss
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 ext.2224

Wednesday, September 26th, 6:30pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Northampton Community College – Monroe Campus, PA
Register: 570-369-1881
Next Week’s Schedule:

Monday, October 1st, 7pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Kemmerer Library, Harding Township, NJ
Register: 973-267-2665

Tuesday, October 2nd, 6:30pm – Life after Retirement
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 ext. 2224

Wednesday, October 3rd,10am – Positive Aging
Great Horizons, Morris Plains, NJ
Register: 973-292-2063

Thursday, October 4th, 7pm – Life after Retirement
Ramsey Adult School, NJ
Register: 201-327-2025
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her two books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness” and “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career.” Diane has been speaking and empowering parents and adults nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet. In addition Lang writes a blog for Pazoo.com

For more information please visit Diane’s website: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

Post Traumatic Growth – Creating Positive Change in the Aftermath

Post Traumatic Growth- Creating Positive Change in the Aftermath
By: Diane Lang

We will all go through a trauma or crisis in our lives at one time or another.
If you are like me, you will go through several and still have more to go.
That’s how life is. It’s filled with ups and downs and we can’t control everything that will happen to us, however, we do have control on how we respond and react to situations.

When we go through a crisis, we can let it take over our world or we can turn inward and figure out what we can learn from from the crisis. Also learning how we can take our pain and help others. This is called Post Traumatic Growth.

Post Traumatic Growth is a positive change that occurs as a result of the struggle and pain from a crisis or trauma. The term was coined in the 1990’s by Richard Tedeschi.

Suffering has its advantages. Let me remind you of them so when you find yourself in the middle of a crisis, you can use them and create Post Traumatic Growth.

1. When we hit rock bottom and we decide to truly accept our situation, we can release the resistance/struggle and stress that comes from a fight we can’t win. When we stay in the struggle, we are fighting against a circumstance we have no control over which causes stress, anger and frustration. When we truly accept a situation, we can breath again, release the stress and see our situation with clarity; not fear or anger.
2. After we go through the acceptance stage, we can take steps forward, take action and create momentum in a positive direction.
3. We can appreciate what we have – When we take the time to accept and move forward, we can start seeing the good in our lives. When the focus is taken away from the negative, we can see the small gifts that occur daily. Start adding gratitude checks into your nightly routine. Before you go to bed every night, ask yourself: What are 2-3 things I’m grateful for that happen today? Gratitude will help you to appreciate the little things while cultivating both happiness and mindfulness.
4. Rock bottom has the power to lead you in a new direction, to find a new purpose and goal in life, to create new passions and desires. I have many clients who have been through major illnesses and injuries that have shaped who they have become. It lead them in the direction of helping others by sharing their stories. How can you take your trauma/crisis story and help others with it? Remember that by sharing your story, you help people feel less alone.
5. Making in through a trauma/crisis creates strength and resiliency. When I became very sick about six years ago, I went into a very dark place. It took me about a year to work my way out of the darkness but when I did, I was so amazed at myself for surviving through a very tough time. I felt strong and brave. Look at your trauma/crisis and see what great traits it brought out. You are probably a lot braver, stronger and more resilient than ever before.
6. All trauma lead us to a new appreciation for life and everything in it. The small things like a sunset, reading a good book or taking a walk all have new meaning. The everyday becomes a miracle.

We all have the potential to grow from our experiences especially the negative ones. A lot of our circumstances are not in our control but how we respond and react always is.

For more information please visit Diane: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

True Acceptance

True acceptance means facing your fears head on.
Not trying to control it or change it.
It’s not running from your feelings.
It’s choosing to stay and feel it all, both physically and emotionally.
It’s staying in the place of non-resistance until you are in a place of acceptance.
It’s grieving the transition; Change.
It’s allowing the shift of identity.
It’s coming to terms with your new world .
It’s looking at acceptance as the beginning of a new chapter.
It’s accepting what you have no control over so you can work on the things you do have control over.
Acceptance brings the power back to you.

September 2018

Thursday, September 13th, 10:30am – Emotional Detox – Dealing with Negative People
Mount Saint Mary College, Desmond Campus, Newburg, NY
Register: 845-565-2076

Monday, September 17th, 7pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Pequannock Public Library, NJ
Register: 973-835-7460 ext. 5

Thursday, September 20th & 27th, 6pm – Mind, Body & Soul – Finding Your Balance
Warren Community College, NJ
Register: 908-832-2333

Tuesday, September 25th, 1pm -How to Deal with Change and Loss
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 ext.2224

Wednesday, September 26th, 6:30pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Northampton Community College – Monroe Campus, PA
Register: 570-369-1881

 

For more information please visit Diane’s website: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLcounseling2014@gmail.com

Teaching Kids about Mistakes

By: Diane Lang

As adults we tend to get upset when we make mistakes. I have heard clients, friends and family be really hard on themselves when they make a mistake. What we do not realize as parents is the following: our kids hear what we say and watch our non-verbal behaviors. Every time we get upset at ourselves for making a mistake, we are teaching our kids that it’s not okay to make a mistake, which is not the truth. We should teach our kids and ourselves that mistakes are good. Teach them that they are actually teachable moments. We learn so much from our mistakes. Our mistakes lead us to our best path. It’s time that we change our perspective on mistakes and admit we make them, admit it’s okay and then move forward with a smile and all the knowledge we just learned.

Here Are Some Tips On Teaching Our Kids About Mistakes:

Teach your kids that we all make mistakes. Yes, everyone makes mistakes including mommy and daddy. Mistakes are a part of life. Give some examples of mistakes you have made. Tell your kids what you have learned from your own mistakes. If you have benefited from a mistake, let your kids know.
Teach your kids that it’s good to make mistakes.
Teach your kids about persistence. Teach your kids when they make mistakes, but validate their work. Hard work is all about the effort.
Teach your kids to make their own definition of success. Don’t let the media portray that success is all about money, fame and beauty. Kids need to know there is much more to success and that we all define success differently. Let your kids know money doesn’t equal happiness.
Teach your kids the reward of the Journey. Accomplishment is not about winning or losing, it’s about persistence and the journey to get there. Teach your kids all the good that comes out of mistakes. I met some great friends out of my biggest mistakes. I learned how strong I was each and every time I made a mistake. I learned to laugh at myself. I could go on and on, however, you get the point.
My mistakes have directed me into my true path. I made a lot of career mistakes but they all lead me to where I should be and where I am now. This is an important lesson to teach your older kids. As a college professor, you see a lot of kids get so hard on themselves for going to the wrong college, going for the wrong major, etc. It’s okay; you learn from it and end up in the right direction. It’s all about the big picture.
Mistakes don’t define who you are.
Talk about mistakes and not giving up at family time. Discuss the topic at dinner. Make sure your child knows that you believe that you will persist until you succeed. Mistakes do not equal quitting.
Young kids (up to puberty) want your acceptance and approval. If you tell your kids it’s okay to make a mistake and make light of it, they will feel better about mistakes. Don’t pressure your child about making mistakes. Kids feel stress.
Follow your own advice and really accept that it’s okay to make mistakes. Remember, kids are visual learners. The best way to let them know mistakes are okay is to show them through your own actions.
Explain to your kids that there is no such thing as perfection and trying to reach it is an unrealistic expectation that sets you up for failure.
Teach your kids to be resilient. Teach them to laugh at their mistakes, to write down what they learned from their mistakes, discuss ways they can correct their mistake.
September Events and Workshops Open to the Public

Thursday, September 6th, 6pm – Emotional Detox- Dealing with Negative People
C.B. Crawford Public Library, Monticello, NY
Register: 845-794-4660

Thursday, September 13th, 10:300am – Emotional Detox – Dealing with Negative People
Mount Saint Mary College, Desmond Campus, Newburg, NY
Register: 845-565-2076

Monday, September 17th, 7pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Pequannock Public Library, NJ
Register: 973-835-7460 ext. 5

Thursday, September 20th & 27th, 6pm – Mind, Body & Soul – Finding Your Balance
Warren Community College, NJ
Register: 908-832-2333

Tuesday, September 25th, 1pm – How to Deal with Change and Loss
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 ext.2224

Wednesday, September 26th, 6:30pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Northampton Community College – Monroe Campus, PA
Register: 570-369-1881

 

For more information please visit Diane’s website: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

I ‘am Enough

 

I Am Enough:
By: Diane Lang

Start with saying ” I am Enough” out loud/or to yourself and what comes up for you. What do you feel?
Do you feel like you are faking it? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Do you feel it physically? Do you hear “Bullshit” from your inner voice?
Can you even say it?

We all need a strong foundation to have a good life. The foundation should consist of self-worth and self-love.
When we don’t feel enough, we tend to self-sabotage ourselves/set ourselves up for failure because we feel we don’t deserve happiness, feel lovable or good enough.

It can cause us to feel numb, not get close to others, quit before we get hurt, take risks or be our authentic self. We become afraid of the idea that people won’t like us. We look for acceptance and approval from others. We try to be perfect and hope it helps us feel better. It makes us put others first, worry about pleasing others and put ourselves on the bottom of the priority list.

Society adds into this belief. Just look at every advertisement that tells you, you are not good enough. Social media adds to our fears of not being enough, we compare ourselves to others when we scroll through social media which can also cause FOMO ( fear of missing out). All of this adds to our insecurities.

Our biggest fear is that we are simply just not enough. When this is a belief system, we tend to feel it, believe it and live our lives like it’s the truth. It’s a limiting, untrue belief system that keeps you from being your best self.

Ask yourself, why do I believe I’m not good enough? Where does it come from?
For many, it’s childhood. Can you see who/where it came from and that their behavior was about them, not you?
Can you challenge the statement ” I am not enough”?
Is it really true? Do you have any facts?
Is the belief realistic?
Is the belief old and outdated?

To change our belief system, we need to start with self-awareness of our inner dialogue.
We need to challenge it.
We need to create new belief systems.
Remember, you are good enough. Always was, always will be.

 

For more information: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email DLCounseling2014@gmail.com