I ‘am Enough

 

I Am Enough:
By: Diane Lang

Start with saying ” I am Enough” out loud/or to yourself and what comes up for you. What do you feel?
Do you feel like you are faking it? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Do you feel it physically? Do you hear “Bullshit” from your inner voice?
Can you even say it?

We all need a strong foundation to have a good life. The foundation should consist of self-worth and self-love.
When we don’t feel enough, we tend to self-sabotage ourselves/set ourselves up for failure because we feel we don’t deserve happiness, feel lovable or good enough.

It can cause us to feel numb, not get close to others, quit before we get hurt, take risks or be our authentic self. We become afraid of the idea that people won’t like us. We look for acceptance and approval from others. We try to be perfect and hope it helps us feel better. It makes us put others first, worry about pleasing others and put ourselves on the bottom of the priority list.

Society adds into this belief. Just look at every advertisement that tells you, you are not good enough. Social media adds to our fears of not being enough, we compare ourselves to others when we scroll through social media which can also cause FOMO ( fear of missing out). All of this adds to our insecurities.

Our biggest fear is that we are simply just not enough. When this is a belief system, we tend to feel it, believe it and live our lives like it’s the truth. It’s a limiting, untrue belief system that keeps you from being your best self.

Ask yourself, why do I believe I’m not good enough? Where does it come from?
For many, it’s childhood. Can you see who/where it came from and that their behavior was about them, not you?
Can you challenge the statement ” I am not enough”?
Is it really true? Do you have any facts?
Is the belief realistic?
Is the belief old and outdated?

To change our belief system, we need to start with self-awareness of our inner dialogue.
We need to challenge it.
We need to create new belief systems.
Remember, you are good enough. Always was, always will be.

 

For more information: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

 

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Words of Wisdom

Words of wisdom that we need to remind ourselves of daily- repeat these statements when we start to feel insecure and doubt ourselves. Our language can shift how we think. When we shift how we think, we change the outcome.

What If? – Opens the door for hope and possibilities.
Why Not?- Shares the knowledge that it has happened for others, which means of course it can happen for you.
Not Yet? – Just because something hasn’t happened today doesn’t mean it won’t tomorrow. Keep moving forward towards your dreams and goals.
I can do better -Every time you think you’re not good enough, think about how you can do better and have a different outcome. Every time something doesn’t work out as planned, I ask myself – Can I do better? The answer is usually yes, which motivates me to do better.
I deserve better – Never settle for anything but the best. Never settle for mediocrity! You deserve the best!

 

For more information please visit Diane’s website: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

Emotional Health Toolbox

We all work so hard to keep positive.
We all feel challenged frequently.
This is when it’s important to have an Emotional Health Toolbox.
A place where you can go to ground yourself.

My tool box is filled with:
Mindfulness to bring you back to the here and now so you do not focus on past baggage or the fear of the future
Positive affirmations to remind yourself of who you really are – write down a few affirmations you can say daily such as “I ‘am Healthy and whole”
Your list of happiness to add into your week to cultivate joy- have a list of at least 5 things that bring you joy and add them into your week
Meditation to take a pause and reboot- taking a few minutes to be in nature or to listen to a guided meditation gives you the break you need to de-stress, be more productive and creative.
Your “flow” activities to take you outside of yourself – what activities do you love that give you a sense of timelessness?
Gratitude checks to remind you there are always little gifts and blessings throughout your day
Random acts of kindness – nothing like doing for others to make yourself feel good and boost your self-esteem
Smiling, laughing, hugging, cuddling all produce endorphins which give you a boost of happiness for free with no side effects!
A good walk in nature in the sunshine gives you a boost of Vitamin D which keeps your immune system and your hopes high
Your support system when you need some empathy, compsssion and kindness – its important to have at least 1 or 2 people who we love and love us unconditionally
My dog which is the best form of therapy -it could be a dog, cat, horse, etc.

What does your toolbox look like?
If you don’t have one start now by adding in a variety of happiness habits such as walking, journal writing, meditation, gratitude, etc.

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July 2018

Monday, July 30th, 10:30am- Living a Mindful Life
Mount Saint Mary College, NY
Phone: 845-565-2076

Tuesday, July 31st, 6:30pm- Finding Your Passion
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext. 2224

August 2018
Wednesday, August 1st & 8th, 2pm – Positive Aging
Warren Community College, NJ
Phone: 908-832-2333

Thursday, August 9th, 6pm – Positive Parenting
E.B. Crawford Library, Monticello, NY
Phone: 845-794-4660

Thursday, August 16th, 10:30am – Positive Psychology
Mount Saint Mary College, NY
Phone: 845-565-2076
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her two books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness” and “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career.” Diane has been speaking and empowering parents and adults nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet. In addition Lang writes a blog for Pazoo.com

 

Letting go of Perfect

Letting Go Of “Perfect”
By: Diane Lang
Women tend to add more stress to their lives then we need.
Women (including myself) talk about the stress they have trying to be the perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect friend, perfect businesswoman, etc.
The first thing we need to do is remove the word “perfect”.
Why do we have to be perfect?
Is that realistic? Sustainable?
Of course not. However, we continue to try and it just causes more and more stress.
Perfectionism and control issues are two character traits that equal living a stressed out, unbalanced life.
We are actually doing more harm then good when we try to be perfect.
Instead, let’s take a step back and reduce the anxiety by letting go of perfection and control issues.
It’s ok to want to be your own best. Trying to be better then where you were yesterday
But the best doesn’t mean comparing yourself to others, perfectionism, extreme multi-tasking or trying to control everything.
Trying to be your best means doing what’s best for you and your family.
Being your best means some sacrifice, some compromise, saying no and self-care.
We must remember what we need emotionally, physically and spiritually. That’s balance. That’s when we are our best.
Are you being your best?

 

For more information please visit: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

Finding Meaning in an ordinary day

Finding Meaning In An Ordinary Day

We can get stuck in the thought process “What is the meaning of life?” and “Why am I here?” Personally, I don’t have the answers to these big questions of life. Sometimes I enjoy pondering these questions and other times it can bring frustration and confusion. Instead, we can find comfort in finding meaning in our every day lives.

Ways to find meaning in your day

1. We need to acknowledge that we matter, that our lives are significant. Every day we do can do something significant for someone else whether it’s family, friends or a complete stranger. We have the ability to impact someone else’s life each and every day

2. What if you choose to live today like it was a miracle? Each day is a gift. We are not promised any specific time frame so treating each day as special gives it meaning. Start noticing all the small blessings that happen through out your day and you will find meaning in your day. Notice the momentary moments of bliss: the cup of coffee while watching the sunrise, a few minutes of quiet time in nature, spending time with someone you love, etc.

3. We can create meaning by taking our stressful and frustrating daily situations and finding ways to cope. When we learn these coping skills, we can share it with it others. Sometimes meaning is created by life’s lessons. We can share our situation to let others know they are not alone. We could teach them ways to cope and in return feel a sense of purpose and meaning by helping others. We can learn empathy from these situations which in return can help strengthen relationships.

4. You can create meaning by setting an intention for the day. What kind of day do you want to have? Set a goal? What will you accomplish today? Have a daily purpose. Meaning doesn’t have to be the big meaning/purpose/passion of your life, it could de found in setting small, attainable goals daily. When the day is over and we accomplished these goals we can feel the sense of accomplishment and purpose in our day.
It can also be the small, baby step goals you set towards a big project or goal. Each day you do something towards it, gives you a sense of accomplishment and purpose. For many of my clients just marking things off there to-do list gives a sense of meaning.

Looking at your day,where can you find meaning – family, pets, relationships, work, volunteer, nature, etc. there is meaning all around us if you spend some time noticing it.

 

 

July 2018

Tuesday, July 17th, 9:30am – Positive Psychology
Rutgers University, The School of Social Work, NJ
Phone: 848-932-8758

Wednesday, July 18th, 6:30pm – Mindfully Happy – Waking Up to Life
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext. 2224

Thursday, July 19th – August 2nd, 10:30am – Positive Aging
Brookdale Community College, NJ
Phone: 732- 224-2315

Monday, July 23rd, 10:30am – Mindfully Happy – Waking Up to Life
Mount Saint Mary College, NY
Phone: 845-565-2076

Monday, July 30th, 10:30am – Living a Mindful Life
Mount Saint Mary College, NY
Phone: 845-565-2076

Tuesday, July 31st, 6:30pm – Finding Your Passion
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext. 2224

 

As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her two books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness” and “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career.” Diane has been speaking and empowering parents and adults nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet. In addition Lang writes a blog for Pazoo.com

 

 

 

Your life is a lesson

Your Life Is A Lesson
I learned that my past doesn’t define who I am today.
My past taught me I’m somebody even when I was told I was nobody.
I learned that not everyone you love will love you back and it will hurt but the hurt won’t define you but it will change you.
I learned that how I respond to these painful situations can either make me stronger or make me better but I get to choose.
I learned that life is one big roller coaster that some days I’m the driver and other times I’m just a passenger in life
I learned that no matter how hard I try to keep everything the same, the only constant is change.
The quicker I learn to embrace it, the easier life will be.
I learned that people will disappoint me more then I care to admit and it will hurt you to your core.
I learned that disappointment is a two way street and I have disappointed others and till this day I feel sad about it.
I have learned to feel my emotions, if I choose to ignore or avoid, the pain gets deeper and deeper until I can’t feel anymore and the pain gets replaced with numbness, bad choices and deep scars.
I learned fear will keep rearing it’s ugly head and I can choose to run away from the fear or I can choose to meet it head on. Again, I get to choose.
I learned we have more control in our lives then we realize and with this comes empowerment.
I learned that sometimes the best way to learn is through admitting my mistakes, noticing my failures without judgment and apologizing when I have done wrong.
I learned there is nothing without love.
The one thing I know for sure is living without love is not truly living. For me to truly love, I must be totally vulnerable and authentic and take the risk of being judged.
I’m learning that honesty is not just to others but to myself and you can only lie to yourself for so long before your world starts to crumble.
I learned, I will never fully understand this world but that it’s ok to not try. It’s ok to live in the moment and go with the flow as long as I’m focused on what I truly love.
What have you learned?

 

For more information please visit http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

 

Stop taking things so personally

Stop taking things so personally

All of us find ourselves taking things personally. Some of us may do it more often then others but we all do it. Sometimes, its with someone close to you other times, it can be a complete stranger you held the door open for and said hi and got no response.

When we take things personally, we are giving away our power. It makes you questions what you feel and believe about yourself. This means you are allowing someone else to tell you who you are, instead of relying on yourself. It can even cause you to feel like a victim.

Why we take things personally?

We can take something personally because we agree with what the person said. Example: Maybe someone told you, you didn’t do a good job on the report for work. Inside, you agree with this, it justifies how you feel about yourself. When we have low self-esteem and feeling insecure, any negatives feel like justifications to what we are feeling. Taking something personal is a reflection of our own insecurity.

Someone’s words can touch an old wound and make us feel unworthy and not enough. Is it triggering issues you haven’t worked on yet. This is a sign to take the time to work on past wounds and heal.

You can looking for acceptance and approval from others. Your looking to gain self-worth from others. This never works, we need to build up our confidence and find our self-worth.

How to stop taking things so personally:

1. The truth is what someone says is a reflection of who they are and what they are feeling. They might be having a bad day, going through a rough patch or just their personality. Just remember, the person who was rude or insulted you is dealing with their own issues.

2. Be self-aware – know yourself so other’s opinions don’t become reality. Focus on your own happiness and confidence. Work on continually cultivate your own happiness and esteem. I have my clients do this exercise every night before bed to start putting the focus on themselves and their positives.
Every night ask yourself: What are 2-3 things you did well? Look through your day and either say it, think it or write it, 2-3 things I did well today. This starts shifting your brain to start focusing on the positives instead of the negatives.

3. Use empathy- put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Is this person trying to convey their own feelings, hurt or confusion but don’t know how to express themselves correctly? Does this person not know how to communicate in a healthy manner? Are they like this to everyone? Do they have problems setting boundaries? Are they going through such a hard time, they cant see past themselves?

4. Our belief systems aren’t always based on truth or facts. Watch how you to talk to yourself. Pay attention to the negative download that keeps playing in your head- what is it saying? Is it based on facts? Are the beliefs old or limiting?

5. Don’t jump to conclusions and create a story in your head that is not based on any facts. We as humans have the ability to make an assumption, believe its fact ( without proof) then take it personally, this creates a vicious cycle.

If someone is treating you bad and it becomes clear that a person cant respect you and continues to create toxic situations that make you feel badly about yourself then you need to rethink the relationship. If it is someone that you can break up with, then break off all ties with this person. If it is family, then set boundaries, limit your time and the nature of the relationship.
* I have had clients break up with family members but it is a choice.

 

For more information please visit http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at dlcounseling2014@gmail.com