Creating Peace in Uncertain Times

In the last few months, the world has gone through a lot of change and the future is very uncertain. Each day the uncertainty grows. We are all going through a mix of emotions such as fear, confusion, stress, doom and gloom while trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel. The question becomes, how do I find the light at the end of the tunnel, when the tunnel seems to go on forever? Here are four tips to creating peace in times of uncertainty 1. Stay in the present moment – Our anxiety comes from being stuck in the past and our past fears come back to haunt us. Or we are stuck in the future worrying about what if’s. When we are in the present moment, we feel our happiest, calm, creative and productive. What mindful activities could you do to get out of autopilot and into the present moment? For me, it’s taking a walk or sitting out in nature. For you, it might be a different type of exercise or yoga, meditation or deep breathing. Try different mindfulness techniques and find what works best for you. Sprinkle a few mindfulness techniques through your day. We all need a few mindfulness breaks where we take 3-5 minutes to just be. 2. Prayer – Praying is a form of mindfulness. I always thought of prayer as talking to my higher power(or whatever you call it) and meditation is listening. I pray in the morning and meditate at night, it’s the perfect combo for me. I don’t have any religious affiliation but I find it very spiritual and comforting. I feel a deep connection to my source and everyone around me with the mix of both. Find what works best for you. 3. Giving to others- we can get so stuck in our own fear, pain, worry and misery that we can’t see outside of ourselves. When we help others, we cultivate happiness. We feel a part of the change we want to see in the world. We feel a sense of control by taking action. Every day, do one thing to make this world a better place. Ask the questions: How can I make this world better? What one random act of kindness can I take today? How can I be of service to others? 4. Two Stories- when bad things happen, how do you view it? what’s your perspective? There are always two sides to each story. Both sides are true. One is the negative side and the other is the positive. You have a choice of which story you focus on. During Covid 19 there have been two stories. Everyone is getting sick, We are self-isolating and people are dying. This is a true story During Covid, I have seen so many brave first responders. I’m amazed how many nurses and doctors came in from other states to help. I can’t believe all the kindness of the retail workers, postal service, etc. This story is true. Which story do you choose to focus on?

Interested In A Webinar/FAQ? If you have thoughts or questions about a webinar, please be sure reach out! Send an email to: Please email: Dlcounseling2014@gmail.com

What is Balance

What is balance? We always talk about work-life balance, but I think there is much more to balance then time management.

How do you define balance? It’s an individual statement that you need to think about and answer. I always thought balance was doing work you love with a life mixed with personal things you loved to do. When we spend our lives doing work we do not like or with hobbies/people we do not enjoy, we will feel unbalanced. Don’t get me wrong, I know we won’t love everything we do in life and there is just some shit we need to do but what if the majority of our life was based on purpose/meaning and love? Wouldn’t that create a more well-balanced life? A happier life?

I remember when I first started a side hustle of writing and speaking, my topic of choice was on moms re-entering the workforce. Mom’s would always ask: Should I go back to work? If I do, should it be part-time or full time? Should I work from home? My answer was always the same what is the “Why” behind the choice you make.

What type of career would make you the best mom? parent? person? It’s different for everyone. This is the question you should ask yourself to have a balanced life. Does your career make you be the best person you could be? Do the people you spend your quality time with lift you up? empower you? do your hobbies/extra activities bring you flow? enjoyment? pleasure?

If you can mix your professional life and personal life with things that give you purpose/meaning, enjoyment, fulfillment, and love then some of the other responsibilities we must do will not feel so bad. We will have a lot to look forward to. Sundays will not be a day of stress because we must go to work tomorrow. We will feel happiness/joy coming home after work and we will look forward to our free time to fill it with activities and people we love. That is what balance looks like to me.

I also think of balance as being my best self. It means letting go of unrealistic expectations.

It means being your true self even on days that you feel no one likes the real you and insecurity is taking over. If your busy trying to be someone else, you will never feel balanced. How could you when you haven’t been authentic or vulnerable? You cannot have loving relationships without authenticity and vulnerability. Balance means accepting yourself as you are today with the hope of being even better tomorrow. Hope moves us forward and helps us to take action. Balance means knowing the reason why you are doing something. Balance means doing your best work but not working all the time. Balance means putting yourself at the top of the priority list and taking care of your basic needs such as sleep, diet, and exercise. Balance means taking time off to refuel and reboot. Balance means removing things from your life that no longer serve you. Balance means getting rid of the mindset that is negative, harsh, and judgmental. Balance is self-care which is a mix of self-love and self-compassion.

Take some time this week to define balance for yourself. We are slowly going back to a life after quarantine. I know for me; I want my post covid-19 life to be much better than my life pre-covid 19.

*UPCOMING EVENT*

*Thursday, June 4th, 7pm – Better Time Management & Productivity Free Webinar

Cliffside Park Library

Please email: Dlcounseling2014@gmail.com for your Free Invite

 

What We Need Is Forgiveness By: Diane Lang

Forgiveness for not being perfect during this time of crisis- we don’t know what to do, how could we, it is brand new territory. What is important is learning from this situation so we are better prepared for any other crisis that will come. Forgiveness for not feeling and being yourself – this is new. We are not sure how to feel. Forgive yourself for all the judgments, harsh and critical words you have spoken to yourself. Forgiveness for falling back into old habits – if you have fallen off the wagon, it’s OK. You can start again tomorrow. Forgiveness for all the anger your feeling- we are constantly being bombarded with fear and negativity. The feelings of anger might come up. It will be a roller coaster ride of emotions for awhile. Forgiveness for trying to control a situation that is out of your control- it could be a trait you have like me (I’m a control freak) or it could be trying to make yourself feel better. Either way, it’s OK. However, now is the time to let go and accept what is at this moment. Work on only things you can control. Forgiveness for decisions made in fear – we are all feeling anxious and fearful. Next choice or decision you have to make, ask yourself, is it being made out of love or fear? Be mindful when asking and answering. Forgive yourself for projecting your fears on to others- you didn’t do it with intention. Try to be mindful of your feelings. Don’t hold them in, release through talking or writing but get it out in a healthy way. Forgive yourself for not completing goals made before or during the isolation – things have changed, goals will be put aside or shifted. This is OK. Re-evaluate your goals and create new ones. Forgive yourself for taking time to do nothing because it’s what you needed. Self-care looks different for everyone. Take that nap, that breather, hot bath or whatever you need to feel whole again.

With the Corona Virus going around, all workshops have been cancelled until April 13th. On this date, we will re-evaluate the situation and hope to get back to in-person learning. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to make up all the workshops but we can offer them from home. All workshops can be done through phone, face-time or zoom. Each workshop will be one hour, include handout and have a Q&A at the end. Each workshop can be scheduled for days, evenings or Saturdays. Please email me at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com for more information/any questions or to set up your private or group workshop. I’m also offering private coaching sessions through Phone, Face time or Zoom. The workshops listed below can all be done virtually: Stop Taking things Personally Having Healthy Relationships with your Adult Children Positive Aging Positive Psychology- Finding your Happiness Releasing Anger and Finding Forgiveness Emotional Detox Dealing with Negative People Stop the Panic and Anxiety Stress Less, Savor More Living a Mindful Life Coping with Change and Loss Positive Parenting

What we Need is Hope

What We Need Is Hope By: Diane Lang

In these recent days where it’s easy to get stuck in the darkness, where can we find the light? How do we find hope? By being silent and asking for help. Then, being silent again to listen to what comes to us. Hope is natural, it’s inside of all of us, it’s just a matter of connecting to it again. You can find hope when you are inspired by someone. When you hear a good-feeling story. When we see the big picture. When we connect to others and realize we are not alone. When we take risks and step out of our comfort zone. When we accept ourselves for who we really are. When we learn something new. When we see someone do something for others. When we stop thinking about ourselves and think about others, the world. When we make changes. When we learn something new. When we connect to gratitude. When we connect to the good we have done and we feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. When we are curious and find interest in something. From everyday miracles like the sunrise and sunset, babies and animals. When you take the time to see how far you have come. When you look at the past and see how you have thrived through challenges. When you pay it forward and make someone else smile. Every time we feel love or receive love. It’s there for the taking.

With the Corona Virus going around, all workshops have been cancelled until April 13th. On this date, we will re-evaluate the situation and hope to get back to in-person learning. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to make up all the workshops but we can offer them from home. All workshops can be done through phone, face-time or zoom. Each workshop will be one hour, include handout and have a Q&A at the end. Each workshop can be scheduled for days, evenings or Saturdays. Please email me at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com for more information/any questions or to set up your private or group workshop. I’m also offering private coaching sessions through Phone, Face time or Zoom. The workshops listed below can all be done virtually: Stop Taking things Personally Having Healthy Relationships with your Adult Children Positive Aging Positive Psychology- Finding your Happiness Releasing Anger and Finding Forgiveness Emotional Detox Dealing with Negative People Stop the Panic and Anxiety Stress Less, Savor More Living a Mindful Life Coping with Change and Loss Positive Parenting

8 Ways to Prevent the Winter Blue’s

8 Ways to Prevent the Winter Blues Called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)
By: Diane Lang

With the clocks being turned back an hour and the days getting shorter, we can experience Seasonal Disorder. This is when people experience a change of moods during the winter months, particularly a feeling of depression and sadness. I have clients who start to feel the winter blues as early as the beginning of October. Typically, when the weather gets warmer, these feelings will begin to lessen. If you are feeling under the weather during the cold winter months but not sure if you are having seasonal disorder, you can check to see if you are experiencing certain symptoms related to the disorder.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) Symptoms:

1. Feelings of sadness, hopelessness and anxiety during the winter months.

2. Feeling fatigue, loss of energy, trouble concentrating and unmotivated.

3. The feelings of sadness, fatigue, isolated, etc. that start out mild and become more severe as the winter progresses.

4. Change in appetite and sleeping habits.

5. Social withdrawal – loss of interest in social activities and hobbies. Some people tend to “hibernate” during the winter months. They don’t leave their house very often during the winter months and they stop socializing and enjoying their daily activities. They start feeling isolated, lonely and depressed. Watch out for this pattern.

“The cause of SAD is still unknown, but we know environmental factors play a big role. “A person who lives in an area near a lake can get ‘the lake effect’ where he gets so much snow and very little sun all winter, resulting in SAD. We also know that SAD can run in the family – genetics play a role. Seasonal affective disorder is more common in women and we usually see symptoms starting in young adulthood.”

Treatment and How to Prevent

There are different treatment options available for SAD and even ways to help prevent SAD or at least the severity of it.

1. Light Therapy – we know that increased sunlight helps improve the symptoms of seasonal disorder. There are certain lights you can buy called “Light Therapy Box,” which mimic outside light and help you lift your mood and spirits.

2. Psychotherapy – a therapist can help you identify your negative thoughts and behaviors and help change them. A therapist can also help you find good coping skills to feel better.

3. Spend some time outdoors to grab some natural light – take a morning or afternoon walk and take time to sit in the sun to help lift your spirits. Even if the weather is cold and snowy, we do know that being outside in the winter months is beneficial.

4. Exercise – every time we exercise, we produce endorphins while reducing stress hormones. This gives us a boost of happiness.

5. Bring the outdoors inside – open up the shades and curtains. Move your desks and chairs near the window to bring the sunlight in doors.

6. Don’t let winter make you feel trapped. Make weekly plans to have fun whether it’s dinner with friends or catching a movie, just make sure to laugh and socialize. Surround yourself with family and friends to give the extra support you need.

7. Plan a vacation where the weather is warm, and the sun is shining. If you feel a sense of isolation and loneliness in the winter months, setting up vacation time in warm, sunny spots can help and give you something to look forward to.

8. Meds – Doctors have prescribed anti-depressants that have worked well for some patients that suffer with more severe SAD symptoms.

For more information please visit Diane’s website: http://www.dlcounseling.com
Email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

November + December 2019 Appearances …

Coming soon!

About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

 

11 Ways to Practice Self-Care Daily

11 ways to practice self-care daily

Self-care is care provided “for you, by you.” It’s about identifying your own needs and taking steps to meet them. It is taking the time to do some of the activities that nurture you. Self-care is about taking proper care of yourself and treating yourself as kindly as you treat others. Self-care is so important, but we seem to put it on the bottom of our priority list. We need to put it on the top of our priority list.

Why take care of yourself first?
You can’t give what you don’t have. Everyone benefits from your self-care. When you feel good emotionally, physically and spiritually, you can be there for others. If not, you run on empty and becomes stressed out, overwhelmed and can burn out.
Mood and emotions are contagious. If your unhappy, it affects others. What do you want to spread to your kids? We teach through actions.
Women who neglect their own needs and forget to nurture themselves often become unhappy, have low self-esteem and feel resentment.
• Remember self-care doesn’t equal selfish
11 ways to practice self-care
1. Are your basic needs met? This is a great place to start. We need a strong physical foundation. Make sure your diet is good, sleeping well, plenty of water and exercise.
2. How do you define happiness? What does it look like? Feel like? Write a list of the top 5-10 things that cultivate happiness for you. Does your life match your list?
3. Gratitude – spending time in gratitude helps us to re-train our brains to go from negative to positive. Ask yourself everyday: What are 2-3 things your grateful for today?
4. Step outside of your comfort zone – when we stay in our comfort zone, we don’t take risks, try new things and we can become stagnate. We need growth to be happy.
5. Flow – add in activities that cause flow. Flow create mindfulness and cultivate happiness.
6. Pay it forward – it’s a win-win. Every time you do an act of kindness, you get a boost of happiness and so does the person you did it for.
7. Unplug and do something for you! Take this time to re-fuel.
8. Learn to say “No”.
9. Ask for help
10. Socialization – connect with others. Socialization is the # 1 factor of happiness.
This includes: Community, Fun/play and Support.
11. Journal write – this is a mindfulness exercise. Take 10 minutes a day to free write. Write without judgment.
For more information please visit Diane’s website: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

The Questions we all Need to Answer to Create Positive Changes in our Lives

The Questions We All Need to Answer to Create Positive Change in our Lives
By: Diane Lang

We often feel stuck and not sure what our next steps should be. I find it beneficial to stop, evaluate your life presently by asking yourself some very important questions. Write the questions down on a piece of paper. Take some time to honestly answer them. You will be surprised what you learn and what changes it will motivate you to make. Just asking these questions starts the shift for change.
Is what I’m doing helping or harming me? One of the most important questions you can ask yourself.

Is this decision based on love or fear? When we make choices/decisions especially when hurt and angry, we react impulsively. Our decisions becomes based
on fear, hurt, anger and reacting without thinking. Instead take a few minutes and ask yourself the question- is my decision based on love or fear?

Is how I’m feeling about a situation temporary? We jump to conclusions, snap decisions and anger very quickly. What if the situation wouldn’t matter to you in a few days? few weeks? would you still make the same decision? would all the time you spent worrying been worth it?

What good can I find in this bad situation? Even if it’s growth, change or a lesson.

How can I challenge myself today? What risk can I take today? Of course, we feel stuck when we are not taking action to move forward but our fear can paralyze us. Step outside of your comfort zone its where you will find growth.

What will happen if I continue to live this way? If one year from now, my life looks exactly the same as it does today, how will I feel?

What are the top three things that make me happy? How can I incorporate those things into my life? The things in our life that cultivate happiness also give us self-care. Make yourself a priority.

What is my why? Look at all your goals and ask yourself what is they “why” behind them?

What am I truly grateful for in my life? Each day ask what your grateful for that happen today? Really search for those gifts and miracles, it shifts our perspective.

Does my value system and career match? We can’t be happy if our career doesn’t match our inner values.

Is my social circle a positive or negative influence? We are the sum of the people we spend the most time with. Are these people supportive? caring? positive?

What habit do I keep repeating that is getting in my way towards living the life I want? Our habits, beliefs and patterns are formed very early on in our life. They are programmed into our life at such an early age we don’t even realize we have them. They are on autopilot. Become aware of your habits, patterns and beliefs that are not working for you. They are learned so you can unlearn them.

What are you doing today to invest in your relationships? We are social creatures and need others to heal, grieve and forgive. We can’t be happy without love and socialization.
October 2019 – Events and Workshops – Open to the Public

Thursday, Oct 10, 1pm- Retrain Your Brain for Success and Happiness
Arbor Terrace Roseland, NJ
Phone: 973-618-1888

Monday, October 14, 7pm – Stop the Panic
Emerson Community School, NJ
Register: 201-262-5502

Tuesday, October 15, 1pm – Stop the Panic
Mount Saint Mary College – Desmond Campus, NY
Register: 845-565-2076

Tuesday, October 15, 6:30pm – Stop the Panic
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Register: 973-228-2092

Wednesday, October 16, 10:30am – Don’t Take It Personally
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 Ext.2224

Thursday, October 17, 7pm
– Healthy Relationships with Your Adult Kids
Morristown Community School, NJ
Register: 973-292-2063

Monday, October 21, 7pm – Life after Retirement
Ramsey Adult School, NJ
Register: 201-327-2025

Tuesday, October 22,1pm – Healthy Relationships with your Adult Kids
Livingston Senior Center, NJ
Register: 973-535-7925

Tuesday, October 22, 7pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Princeton Adult School, NJ
Register:609-683-1101

Wednesday, October 23, 10am – Stop Taking Things Personally
Great Horizons, NJ
Register:973-292-2063

Wednesday, October 23, 7pm – What Kind of Smart Are You?
The Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222

Thursday, October 24, 6:30pm – Positive Parenting
The Jointure, NJ
Register: 908-722-1563

Monday, October 28, 10:30am – Positive Aging
The Jointure, NJ
Register: 908-722-1563

Monday, October 28, 7pm – Stress Less, Savor More
The Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222

Wednesday, October 30, 9:30am – Positive Education
Rutgers School of Social Work, NJ
Register: 848-932-8758

About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

 

Anger is a Healthy Emotion

Anger is a Healthy Emotion
By: Diane Lang

It’s okay to feel anger. It’s normal and healthy . Everyone feels anger, sometimes, even daily.
Anger is a powerful emotion that can help you to express yourself either in an unhealthy manner or in a positive way.
If you use anger as a red flag that something is wrong and make changes, it can be very helpful.
The key is to know if the anger you are feeling is productive and helps you improve your situation or unproductive anger like road rage.
If it’s unproductive, learn the triggers and ways to distract yourself.
What self soothes you? music, calling a friend, meditative breathing, remembering a good memory, etc.
There are always good and bad things going on in the world – it’s what you choose to focus on.

Remember, that anger is a secondary emotion. That means there is something underneath your anger like fear or sadness.
If we don’t deal with the fear, the anger will remain.
Anger is easier to feel, it’s less uncomfortable and vulnerable.
We feel more in control with anger.
Next time you are feeling anger, look beneath the anger.
What is truly going on? Are you really fearful and anxious? or sad ? hurt?
When we know our true emotions under the anger, we can deal directly with the root of the problem.
October 2019 – Events and Workshops – Open to the Public

Tuesday, October 1, 6:30pm – Finding Your Worth and Happiness
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Register: 973-228-2092

Wednesday, October 2, 10:30am – Positive Psychology- Finding Your Happiness
The Jointure, NJ
Register: 908-722-1563

Wednesday, October 2, 7pm – Positive Parenting
Bernard Township Public Library, NJ
Register: 908-204-3031

Thursday, October 4, 10:30am – Stop Taking It Personally
Mount Saint Mary College, Desmond Campus, NY
Register: 845-565-2076

Saturday, October 5, 1pm – Stress Less, Savor More
Purple OM, NJ
Register: 973-343-2848

Monday, October 7, 7pm – Retrain Your Brain for Success
The Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222

Wednesday, October, 6, 6:30pm – Emotional Detox- Dealing with Negative People
Northampton Community College, PA
Register: 570-369-1881

Thursday, Oct 10, 1pm- Retrain Your Brain for Success and Happiness
Arbor Terrace Roseland, NJ
Phone: 973-618-1888

Monday, October 14, 7pm – Stop the Panic
Emerson Community School, NJ
Register: 201-262-5502

Tuesday, October 15, 1pm – Stop the Panic
Mount Saint Mary College – Desmond Campus, NY
Register: 845-565-2076

Tuesday, October 15, 6:30pm – Stop the Panic
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Register: 973-228-2092

Wednesday, October 16, 10:30am – Don’t Take It Personally
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 Ext.2224

Thursday, October 17, 7pm
– Healthy Relationships with Your Adult Kids
Morristown Community School, NJ
Register: 973-292-2063

Monday, October 21, 7pm – Life after Retirement
Ramsey Adult School, NJ
Register: 201-327-2025

Tuesday, October 22,1pm – Healthy Relationships with your Adult Kids
Livingston Senior Center, NJ
Register: 973-535-7925

Tuesday, October 22, 7pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Princeton Adult School, NJ
Register:609-683-1101

Wednesday, October 23, 10am – Stop Taking Things Personally
Great Horizons, NJ
Register:973-292-2063

Wednesday, October 23, 7pm – What Kind of Smart Are You?
The Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222

Thursday, October 24, 6:30pm – Positive Parenting
The Jointure, NJ
Register: 908-722-1563

Monday, October 28, 10:30am – Positive Aging
The Jointure, NJ
Register: 908-722-1563

Monday, October 28, 7pm – Stress Less, Savor More
The Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222

Wednesday, October 30, 9:30am – Positive Education
Rutgers School of Social Work, NJ
Register: 848-932-8758

About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

For more information please visit: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

 

Is having it all a reality we should be discussing?

Is having it all a reality we should be discussing?
By: Diane Lang

Most people have heard the expression – “Can we have it all? ” I know I have heard the expression many times. And each time I heard it, I would become more and more frustrated.
I wasn’t even sure what it meant to me.
That’s the first question to ask yourself. What would having it all mean to you? What would it look like? Feel like?
I always assumed it meant you can have a career, family, social life and be happy. Maybe, for you it looks different. I knew I wanted it all, but, I wasn’t sure if it was possible. I realized for me, I could have it, but it wouldn’t be perfect. There would be many ups and downs. I was okay with the struggles, I expected them, and I think that’s how I got through it.
Be honest with yourself, if you want to have it all make sure you realize what that will look like? The obstacles that you can expect. Make sure you have a support system.
If you’re expecting the balance to be smooth, well, then you will be in for a big surprise. However, if you realize it won’t be perfect then you are starting out with realistic expectations.
I also realized that I “needed” to have a career, family and a social life. If I wanted to be a good wife, mom and friend, I needed to have it all. It’s something I knew about myself before I got married or had a family. Having a career is part of my identity along with being a mom and if I removed one, I wouldn’t feel complete or happy.
You need to ask yourself the important questions:
What will make me be the best parent? Spouse? Person?
Will I be living a life that is in accordance to my value system?
Will I have meaning/purpose in my life?
Once you’re aware of what you need, then, you can start creating the life you want. Your life will get messy and crazy, but it will be yours.

September 2019 – Events and Workshops – Open to the Public
Monday, September 23, 7pm – What Kind of Smart Are You?
The Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222
Tuesday, September 24, 6:30pm – Anger & Forgiveness
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ

Register: 973-228-2092
Wednesday, September 25, 10:30am – Stop the Panic
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 Ext. 2224

Wednesday, September 25, 7pm – Coping with Change and Loss
The Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222

Thursday, September 26, 10:30am – Letting Go of Perfection
Mount Saint Mary College – Desmond Campus, NY
Register: 845-565-2076
About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

For more information please visit: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

6 Tips to Raise your Self-Esteem

Raising Your Self-Esteem
By: Diane Lang

What does it mean to have healthy self-esteem? It’s having a good opinion of yourself that is realistic. Being that the most important opinion of yourself comes from yourself, it’s time evaluate: how do you feel about yourself?
Let’s be honest, the only opinion that should matter is your own but the problem is for many us our opinions are negative. We are our own worst critics.
When we have a negative view of ourselves, we can spend our lives looking for ways to justify the negativity and be condemned to a life of self-criticism.
This isn’t a healthy way to live. Instead, there are things we can do to raise our self – esteem.

6 tips to raise your self-esteem:

1. What are you thinking about? Start being conscious of your thoughts. What is that internal voice saying? To start the change process, you need to know what you think about yourself. Ask yourself where do these thoughts come from? How have these thoughts stopped your life? Lowered your self worth? After hearing these thoughts and repeating them to ourselves, they become auto pilot thoughts. We have them without even recognizing them anymore. These thoughts are learned. That’s the good news. If it’s learned, you can unlearn them.

*Start by thinking about: what kind of thoughts about yourself do you want to have? Make a phrase of what you want to feel and start repeating it daily. This will be adding positive affirmations into your routine.

2. The stick figure exercise.
Draw a stick figure of yourself or cut and paste a picture of you. On one side of the figure write your accomplishments. On the other side write down all your roles/descriptions. On the bottom write down your goals/dreams
You can look at the stick figure every time your feeling down and see how much you have accomplished, how much you do everyday and where your going. Add to it as things come up.
*You can also write a list of all the things you like about yourself and review it every morning.

3. Throw in some positive psychology exercises;
Gratitude – every night before bed, ask yourself: what are 2-3 things I’m grateful for that happen today?
2-3 things you did well today – every night after the gratitude exercise, ask yourself: what are 2-3 things I did well today?

4. The comparison game
Are you comparing yourself to others? The only person you should compare yourself to is who you were yesterday. If you notice comparing yourself to others, what’s triggering it? Is it toxic friendships/family members? If so, boundaries/limitations or a break up is in order.
Is it social media? Limiting your social media intake is very important.

5.Remind yourself of your strengths by taking a personality test. Everyone has different strengths. Knowing yours and using them can up our levels of happiness and self esteem.

6. Pay it forward -raises our self esteem and takes our mind off of ourselves while cultivating happiness. Doing for others gives us a sense of accomplishment and pride. These positive emotions cultivate happiness and give us a sense of value and meaning into our lives.

*Remember, self-care-because you are worth it!
September 2019 – Events and Workshops – Open to the Public

Tuesday, September 17, 1pm – Create Balance & Relieve Anxiety
Livingston Senior Center, NJ
Register: 973-535-7925

Tuesday, September 17, 6:30pm – Coping with Change and Loss
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Register: 973-228-2092

Wednesday, September 18, 6:30pm – Stop the Panic
Northampton Community College, PA
Register: 570-369-1881

Thursday, September 19, 6pm – Finding Your Passion
Warren Community College, NJ
Register: 908-839-2223

Monday, September 23, 7pm – What Kind of Smart Are You?
The Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222
Tuesday, September 24, 6:30pm – Anger & Forgiveness
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ

Register: 973-228-2092
Wednesday, September 25, 10:30am – Stop the Panic
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 Ext. 2224

Wednesday, September 25, 7pm – Coping with Change and Loss
The Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222

Thursday, September 26, 10:30am – Letting Go of Perfection
Mount Saint Mary College – Desmond Campus, NY
Register: 845-565-2076

About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

For more information please visit: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com