Why be happy?

A few weeks ago, at one of my speaking events, I was asked “Why should I be happy? Why is that so important?”
In all my years of teaching, I have never been asked that question but in today’s world, I wasn’t surprised to hear this question. For anyone who is wondering why happiness is so important, I wanted to give you the benefits of happiness and some quick ways to cultivate your happiness.

The benefits of happiness
1. Happiness strengthens our immune system. People who felt a daily dose of positive emotions (hope, inspiration, pride, awe, love, etc.) were healthier and lived longer.
*Remember, stress lowers our immune system which leads to benefit # 2.

2. Happiness combats stress. Happier people report lower levels of stress. That’s a good enough reason to be happier.
3. Moods and emotions are contagious. We can spread our happiness. Think of it as a parent, Happy Parent=Happy Kids. What moods/emotions are you bringing home with you?
4. It increases your productivity -happiness increases your mental capacity and gives you the energy and drive to complete your work. When you’re not happy, you have problems focusing and concentrating which lowers your productivity.
5. We live longer – In a famous study of happiness and longevity, the life expectancy of nuns was studied the nuns who felt positive emotions, happy and positive lived longer. In the end, the happiest nuns lived 7-10 years longer.
Cultivating Happiness
1. Gratitude – write or say 2-3 things that your grateful for that happen today
2. Altruism – do random acts of kindness
3. Listen to music – listening to a happy song can shift our mood.
4. Socialization – enjoy time with your friends/family.
5. Have good relationships – spend time to nurture your relationships.
February 2019 Events and Workshops Open to the Public

Tuesday, February 26, 7pm – Living a Mindful Life
Madison Civic Center, NJ
Phone: 973-443-9222

Thursday, Feb 28, 7pm – Life after Retirement
Ramsey Community School, NJ
Phone: 201-327-2025

About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tint.

Bringing Mindfulness and Compassion to the workplace

Bringing Mindfulness and Compassion into the workplace
By: Diane Lang

What is mindfulness? It is the state of being conscious, self- aware and in the moment.
Imagine, if our employees and management team were working in their conscious mind?
Many of us spend 95% of our time in our subconscious mind – this is when we work on autopilot. When we are not even aware of our thoughts and actions.
When we become more conscious and, in the present, we are more creative, productive and happy. We find a sense of peace and calm. If we were operating through our conscious mind, our lives would run more smoothly.

Why compassion in the workplace? – if we all could show a little more concern for others, be of help/service to others, we could make the workplace a place of love instead of fear.
When we go to work from a place of fear – a fear of being fired, fear of being constantly criticized, stressed out or not fitting in, we don’t do our job. Our creativity is covered by fear, our motivation is covered by fear and what you get is a workplace that runs on fear and it shows by the turnover rate, high absenteeism and overall work satisfaction.

We have choices as management and leaders to run our companies with compassion, kindness and empathy. These choices can make the huge difference in a company.

1. Show every employee kindness through caring and respect. How? Show your kindness. Say “Hi” to each employee using their name. Ask how they are and mean it.
Find out what each employees interests are, ask about their family and ask about them.
2. Teach each manager that emotions such as empathy, kindness, respect, caring, etc. are signs of strength not weakness. Let’s change our thought process on kindness. A soft skill doesn’t mean it’s a sign of weakness instead these soft skills will bring up your rates of productivity and creativity in the workplace. Soft skills are impactful. Soft skills are the foundation for Emotional Intelligence in the workplace. Does that sound like a sign of weakness in an organization?
3. With empathy and compassion comes cooperation and working together. These types of emotions allow people to have better interpersonal skills and work better in groups. When we are more social at work and enjoy each other’s company, we have better socialization at work. Socialization is one of the top factors of happiness. Do I need to say more?
Happy employees= Happy Companies
4. A compassionate, kind leader will communicate openly and honestly with their employees. Their constructive criticism comes from a place of love and learning.
5. A compassionate, caring leader express their own emotions, led by example, decreases judgment and criticism of others.
6. A compassionate and mindful leader will share constructive criticism with their employees but will also go over all the good the employee has added to their company.

The benefits of mindfulness and compassion

Promotes positive relationships which you see within the environment of the workplace. Better relationships, more cooperation and sharing, less workplace bullying and happier employees.
Moods and emotions are contagious – we catch the emotions of our leaders. When our leaders/bosses are kind, caring, compassionate, etc. then our employees will follow suit.
Improved employee retention which boosts the company’s bottom dollar.
Decreased stress from the socialization of the employees. When employees are encouraged to develop good relationships and have conversations with their fellow employees, they decrease stress which equals less burnout.
There are also health benefits of good relationships at work. Employees who develop good friendships at work have lower blood pressure, decreased heart rate, a boost in their immune systems and reduced absenteeism.
Employees in good health and happiness are more productive.
February 2019 Events and Workshops Open to the Public

Thursday, February 7, 6pm – Finding Your Happiness
Monticello Public Library, NY
Phone: 845-794-4660
Monday, February 11, 1030am – Letting Go of Perfect
Mount Saint Mary College, Desmond Campus, NY
Phone: 845-565-2076
Saturday, February 16, 10am – Coping with Change and Transition
Long Boat Key Education Center, FL
Phone: 941-383-8811
Wednesday, February 20, 930am – Positive Parenting
Rutgers University, School of Social Work, NJ
Phone: 732-932-7057
Tuesday, February 26, 7pm – Living a Mindful Life
Madison Civic Center, NJ
Phone: 973-443-9222
Thursday, Feb 28, 7pm – Life after Retirement
Ramsey Community School, NJ
Phone: 201-327-2025

About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet. For more information please visit: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

 

Develop your Emotional Toolbox

We all need ways to de-stress and self-soothe. We hear from many others how to do it but de-stressing and self-soothing is different for everyone. There are so many ways but the best way is what works for you, what feels right for you.
I’m offering 12 different tools to keep in your tool box to use when things gets tough. Pick and choose what works for you, then, pass the rest along. If you have any other tools you use, please send them to me so I can share them with my readers. If it works for you, it can work for others.

The morning dump – take a few minutes every morning to write out what’s on your mind, what you are feeling, what’s stressing you, etc. When writing do it without judgment or grammar/spell check. It’s just a way to dump what is weighing on your mind and causing stress.
1-2-3 technique – a very simple breathing technique to help you reduce stress and nervousness. Breathe in through your nose for a count of three, hold for a count of three and exhale through your mouth for a count of three. It’s very easy to remember. If you do a count of 2 or 4 instead, it’s fine just breathe.
Get mindful with a walk – science has proven the best way to get mindfulness is by walking. A nice paced walk will help you clear the clutter from your head and de-stress. We know mindfulness and meditation is the only natural way to de-stress. I always tell my clients to walk because it is easy and free but all exercises are good.
Get grounded by walking through the grass or sand with bare feet. Feel nature on your felt while you use your physical senses to calm you. What do you hear? See in Nature? Smell? Touch? For kids: have them lay down in the grass and have them explain what they feel, see, touch, hear, etc.
Talk it out- we all need to get our emotions out. Make sure you have a strong support system. We all need 1 or 2 people we trust and love unconditionally. If not a counselor, life coach or spiritual adviser can work
Music is a great way to change your mood instantly. Having a stressful day, play some music that makes you feel good.
When we are having a bad day and want to change our mood we can do it through memories/experiences. Sit down and close your eyes. Visualize a happy time in your life, it could be a party, vacation, etc. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was. Your brain can’t tell the difference between a memory that happen last week or twenty years ago. When we visualize and remember a happy time, it brings the happiness to the surface and changes our mood.
Laugh, spoon, cuddle, hug, smile… they all produce endorphins “ The Happy Chemical”
Chew gum – sugarless of course! Chewing gum improves our moods and memory.
Gratitude -gratitude cultivates mindfulness and happiness while re-training your brain to go from negative to positive. I have my clients every night before bed do a gratitude check. All you have to do is say or write down 2-3 things your grateful for that happen today. It helps you to see and focus on the good In your day.
Unplug from social media – social media causes FOMO ( fear of missing out). When we scroll through social media we start comparing ourselves to others which can make us feel worse about ourselves.
Watch your night time thinking -whatever your think 15-20 mins before bed affects if we sleep, how we sleep and what mood we wake up in the morning. No news at night. The News makes us feel sad and fearful. Instead do your gratitude and meditate, they are part of a healthy nightly routine.
JANUARY 2019

Wednesday, Jan 23, 7pm – Positive Parenting
Roxbury Public Library, NJ
Phone: 973-584-2400

Thursday, Jan 24, 930am – Positive Psychology
Rutgers University, NJ
Phone: 732-932-7057

Wednesday, Jan 30, 1030am – Positive Aging
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext.2224

About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

 

 

9 tips to make 2019 the best year yet!

With the New Year just starting, we get very excited for all the possibilities and opportunities that could come to us. It’s the time of year when we feel like we have a fresh new start. Let’s make the best of the New Year by taking action and moving forward.
9 tips to make 2019 the best year yet!

1. Don’t try to do it all at once. Baby steps keep us moving forward in a realistic manner without feeling overwhelmed.

2. Start with 1 or 2 goals. Give these goals your full focus and attention. Don’t have too many goals, where you spread yourself to thin and become easily frustrated or feel like giving up. Make sure you have a realistic time frame to accomplish your goals, if you don’t give yourself enough time to accomplish them, you can set yourself for failure.

3. Write your goals down. When we write our goals down, we are 42% more likely to accomplish them. If you share your goals with others who believe in you, your chances go up even further.

4. After your write your goals then put down at least 2 action steps to get there. These are the steps that push us in the right direction. The action starts the momentum.

5. Re-evaluate your goals and action steps every few months – are they realistic? Are the time frames you set up realistic?
Did you accomplish your goals and its time to make new ones?

6. Feed your desires – what new information do you need to learn to accomplish your goals? Do you need to go back to school? Get a certificate? Professional or personal development?

7. Why- What’s your “why” behind your goals? The why keeps you motivated. The why helps you keep going when you feel like giving up.

8. Risks – what risks can you take weekly to reach your goals? What makes you feel uncomfortable? What fear comes to the surface? When we take risks/step outside our comfort zone we cause growth.

9. Who inspires you – who is living your dream? Follow them on social media, read their books, listen to their podcasts, etc. Learn from them.

JANUARY 2019 Workshops Open to the Public

Wednesday, Jan 9, 10:30am – New Year, New You
Mount Saint Mary College – Desmond Campus, NY
Phone: 845-565-2076

Thursday, Jan 10 & 17, 1pm – Positive Aging
Montville Public Library, NJ
Phone: 973-402-0900

Wednesday, Jan 16, 630pm – Transitioning into High School
Denville Middle School, NJ
http://www.denville.org

Wednesday, Jan 23, 7pm – Positive Parenting
Roxbury Public Library, NJ
Phone: 973-584-2400

Thursday, Jan 24, 930am – Positive Psychology
Rutgers University, NJ
Phone: 732-932-7057

Wednesday, Jan 30, 1030am – Positive Aging
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext.2224

About Diane Lang

‌Therapist, Educator and Life Coach

As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

 

Tips for a great New Year

Tips for a great new year

We all want to start the New Year off right. We think to ourselves, this will be the year: I lose weight, start exercising, eat better, reconnect with old friends, get a new job, etc. These are all great goals but why do we wait till Jan 1st to form a new habit and make positive changes in our lives. This year, let’s make a promise to ourselves that the changes we make this year will be permanent and meaningful. They will set the year off to a positive start. This year I will:

1. I will make myself a priority this year- I will learn to say No to others when I feel overwhelmed and stressed. I will say yes to my needs and wants. This year I will learn its ok to put myself first and take care of myself. This year I will learn that selfish isn’t always a bad word I realize that if I take care of myself, I will be there for others.

2. I will be grateful for what I have- I will take the time to pause and think about all I have. This isn’t about my material objects. This is about my abundance of love, warmth, comfort, care and empathy I receive on a daily basis. This year I will make room in my life for gratitude checks where I spend a few minutes each day thinking about all I have in this life and just being thankful I have my life.

3. I will pay it forward constantly – I will give more of myself everyday. I will inspire, help and empower others on a daily basis.

4. I will step out of my comfort zone this year – I will take risks, add variety and become more creative. This is the year I won’t be stale or stagnate. The word “Bored” will be removed from my word list this year.

5. This year I will be a great role model. This will make me a better parent, mentor, friend and educator. I will teach others by my actions.

6. This year I will become fully aware of my negative thoughts, comments and actions towards myself and others. I will make a conscious effort to be more positive and respectful of others and myself. I realize positive energy, actions and thoughts are all contagious.

7. This year will be the year of action plans. Not only will I set short and long term goal lists but action plans on how to get there. I will write down each detail of my list and follow each step. I will feel a sense of accomplishment because I have taken action.

8. This year I will live in the present. I will let the past be in the past because the past doesn’t equal the future. I will stop worrying about the future because it doesn’t exist. I will not waste my energy being stressed about something that hasn’t happened yet.

9. I will spend less time this year trying to control others and being perfect. Neither one is possible and even though I have known this for many years, I never listened. This year I vow to let go of my controlling issues and perfectionist traits and learn to enjoy life in its messy existence. I will learn to enjoy the unorganized, the messy and not planned life. I will realize at the end of each day – everything works it self out.
10. This year I will say Thank you to everyone I love not just on new years, birthdays and holidays. I will say Sorry when needed, thanks when it’s deserved and I love you just because I do.

11. This year I won’t try so hard to be something/someone I’m not. I will not keep up with the Jones, compare myself to celebrities or wish I was someone else. This year I will learn to spend time alone with myself. I will learn what my likes/dislikes, strengths/weaknesses, dreams and hobbies are. I will becomes fully aware of who I am. This year is the year of me!

12. This year I will let go of all the expectations of what could be or should be but instead just live my life. Sometimes, we get so caught up in our unrealistic expectations that we forget to just enjoy the life that is here right now: Our present life, our present situations, environments and family. We forget to be clear and aware of our surroundings. The love, the warmth. The caring…the friendships…..the affection…I forget to enjoy those simple things.

For more information contact Diane Lang at Lifeline36@aol.com and visit her website : http://www.dlcounseling.com

Combating Loneliness for the Holidays

With the holidays in full swing, we need to remember that this can be very tough and challenging time for many. The holidays are a time people feel pressure to be happy and socially connected but for many this is the toughest time of the year. For some, this is a reminder of broken or lost family ties. We all feel lonely sometimes but what about people who feel loneliness a big percentage of the time? Loneliness is the number one factor for depression outside of mental illness. 1 out of 10 people age 65 and older say they feel lonely often. Half of older people consider TV to be their main form of company. Seniors aren’t the only ones who feel lonely. Any change or transition can cause loneliness. The working mom who decides to become a stay at home mom; empty-nesters,anyone who has moved to a new location, divorce, loss of a loved one, etc. Anyone can feel chronic loneliness but the good news is there are ways to combat loneliness and bring happiness back into your life.
1. Connect better with others by being an active listener. If we put our attention completely on someone else, we connect in a meaningful way. When we become an active listener, the other person knows we care and that they are being heard.
2. Pay it forward – do something for someone else whether it’s a random act of kindness, being a volunteer, etc. When we do something nice for others we also reap the benefits of a boost of happiness that can last 24-72 hours.
3. Be open and vulnerable- to have close relationships we need to let people in.
4. Reach out to others – call up your friends and family and make the plans. Set up activities. Be the planner.
5. Avoid feeling sorry for yourself and be proactive – enjoy your time alone. Do something you love, start the hobby or class you always wanted to.
6. Find solitude in silence by meditating, prayer, gratitude or sitting in nature. Meditation that is done for 8 weeks or longer is linked with decreased loneliness.
7. Try something new – step outside your comfort zone! Add variety into your life. We can get in a rut and feel depressed. So change it up a little bit even taking a different route to work can give us a boost of happiness.
8. Social media – connect on-line through social media, Skype or chat groups. You can also meet new people through social media or meetups just to name a few. If you’re not that comfortable with computers/social media this could be your chance to learn something new and take a class!
9. Become a pet owner- pets lower blood pressure, they have a calming effect and makes you feel needed plus they are so cute and lovable.
10. Reach out to existing relationships and strengthen the bond.
11. Loneliness is contagious- it makes people negative and angry which causes other people to not want to be around them. So think twice when feeling negative. Also, find positive people to socialize with. Happy moods are contagious too!
12. Avoid escapes such as sleeping too much, watching too much TV, etc it can lead to loneliness/isolation and depression.
This holiday season reach out to those around you. Make the effort to check on family, friends, neighbors, etc.

 

About Diane Lang…

Diane Lang ― Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet. For more information please visit: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at dlcounseling2014@gmail.com

The Importance of Positive Emotions

With the stress of the holidays, we can often find ourselves feeling worried, frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed, fearful, etc. Instead, let’s focus on adding more positive emotions to our day especially through the holiday season.

Positive emotions cause us to live an optimistic lifestyle. When we feel these emotions frequently in life, they cause us to live a happier, healthier life. Positive emotions help us sleep better, feel more resilient, increase creativity, open your mind, broaden your awareness of the world, be open to new opportunities, socialize more and extend our lifespan. We want you to focus on having more positive emotions, but not to eliminate or avoid negative emotions. Negative emotions are a natural part of life and should not be avoided. We need to feel to heal. We just don’t want you to get stuck having a “Negative Default.”

After going through the list of emotions, ask yourself:

What can I do to feel these emotions more often?
How can I add more of these emotions into my day?
What triggers these emotions?

Pick a different emotion each day for 2 weeks and see if you can bring out the emotion in others, show the emotion to others or add more of that emotion to your day.

Positive Emotions- these are the top 10 positive emotions, but there are more.
1. Love- #1 frequently felt emotion. Love encompasses all the positive emotions below. Savor the experiences with people you love.
2. Joy – Creates the urge to play, be creative, push the limits. It’s a perfect moment when everything is as it should be.
3. Gratitude – It creates our hearts to open and see all the good in our lives.
4. Serenity- Creating a peaceful moment where we are in the present moment.
5. Interest – is a heightened state that calls your attention to something new that inspires you and leaves you wanting more.
6. Hope – Its knowing there is a better future ahead. You realize today and yesterday don’t dictate your tomorrow. It lets you know that possibilities exist.
7. Pride – A sense of pleasure for attaining an achievement. Creates the urge to share good news with others.
8. Amusement – Unexpected moments that make you laugh. It causes fun in your life. Be intentional and make amusement part of your week.
9. Inspiration – Witness excellence and then aspire to reach it, it also touches your heart.
10. Awe/Wonderment – Overwhelmed by greatness. It connects us to the world around us.
As you go through each emotion, ask yourself the following questions:
1. When was the last time I felt this emotion? Where was I? What was I doing?
2. What else gives me that feeling?
3. What else can I do to cultivate that feeling?
Here are a few more questions to ask ourselves to help to feel positive emotions
1. What went right today?
2. What’s going right in my life?
3. What am I grateful for in my life? Today?
4. Who can I say, “Thank you” to?
5. What brings me happiness?
6. What can I celebrate?
7. What’s beautiful in my physical environment?

Diane’s Focus Points:

Happiness
Mindfulness
Emotional Wellness
Stress Management
Positive Parenting
Positive Aging
Positive Thinking
Emotional Intelligence

About Diane Lang

Diane Lang ― Therapist, Educator and Life Coach

As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

For more information please visit http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane

dlcounseling2014@gmail.com