5 Tips to Managing Stress

We all have times of stress, anxiety, fear, etc. We can’t live a stress free life but we can respond to it in a healthy way. Below are some simple ways to take action and reduce your stress.
5 Tips to Managing Stress
Deep breathe- breathe in for a count of 3, hold for a count of 3 and exhale for a count of 3. This will help relieve your physical symptoms due to stress.
Be mindful of your emotions – are they based on facts or feelings? Ask yourself if their is any truth in why you are upset? Or is based on past fears or wounds you haven’t healed?
You get to choose how you respond- you can’t control other’s actions but you can control how you react or respond to a situation.
Don’t let it escalate- keep breathing. Deal with your emotions immediately, don’t internalize.
Use a coping tool that self-soothes – what works for you? Talking a walk, writing in your journal, yoga, sitting in nature, deep breathing, etc.
APRIL SCHEDULE 2019

Monday, April 22nd, 7pm – Positive Aging
Emerson Community School, NJ
Phone: 201-262-5502

Tuesday, April 23rd, 6:30pm – Turning Setbacks into Advantages
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Phone: 973-228-2092

Wednesday, April 24th, 7pm – I Am Enough
Ramsey Adult School, NJ
Phone: 201-327-2025

Thursday, April 25th, 6pm – Positive Aging
Northampton Community College, Monroe Campus, PA
Phone: 570-369-1881

Monday, April 29th, 7pm – Living a Mindful Life
Morristown Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-292-2063

Tuesday, April 30th, 6:30pm – Finding Your Passion
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Phone: 973-228-2092

About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

 

6 tips to Emotional Wellness

After speaking at a retreat all weekend, I really had the chance to listen to some of the biggest issues that we all struggle with. I know I have dealt with holding onto anger, having too much clutter and burning out.
These six tips below can help you to live an emotional healthy life.
1: Always be open- when we are open, we can view situations as opportunities and possibilities. Even mistakes/failures become teachable/learnable moments.

2: You can’t give what you don’t have – don’t try to be everything for everybody. It’s impossible and sets you up for failure. Make yourself a priority. How can you be there for others, if you are burnt out emotionally, physically, mentally and/or spiritually. Making yourself a priority allows you the well being to be there for others.

3: Clear your emotional clutter – become aware of your thoughts. If our thoughts are negative, judgmental and self-critical, you will stay in a state of negativity. Moods/emotions are contagious – is this what you want to pass down to your kids, grand kids, friends, etc.?

4: What am I doing to make this world a better place? You should be living the legacy you want to leave. Ask the question daily: How can I make this world a better place? Your acts of kindness can change the world.

5: Never hold on to anger, blame or resentment, it only hurts you. When we hold on to anger, it affects every choice/decision we make. We don’t want to make decisions based on anger or fear. Forgiveness is a process done for you and you only. It doesn’t justify or excuse anyone’s behavior, it allows you to have the power to move forward. Forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself whether your angry at yourself, others or both.

6: Are your decisions/choices based on fear or love? When we make decisions based on fear, we allow our decisions to be based on anger, desperation or being impulsive. These decisions usually turn out to be the wrong ones and can cause us more pain. Instead make your decisions/choices from a place of love and clarity.
April 2019 Events and Workshops – Open to the Public

Tuesday, April 9th, 6:30pm – Declutter Your Life & Reduce Stress
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Phone: 973-228-2092

Wednesday, April 10th, 10am – Having Healthy Relationships with Your Adult Kids
Great Horizons, NJ
Phone: 973-292-2063

Wednesday, April 10th, 7pm – Declutter Your Life & Reduce Stress
Emerson Community School, NJ
Phone: 201-262-5502

Thursday, April 11th, 7pm – Turning Setbacks into Advantages
Princeton Adult School, NJ
Phone: 609-683-1101

Monday, April 22nd, 7pm – Positive Aging
Emerson Community School, NJ
Phone: 201-262-5502

Tuesday, April 23rd, 6:30pm – Turning Setbacks into Advantages
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Phone: 973-228-2092

Wednesday, April 24th, 7pm – I Am Enough
Ramsey Adult School, NJ
Phone: 201-327-2025

Thursday, April 25th, 6pm – Positive Aging
Northampton Community College, Monroe Campus, PA
Phone: 570-369-1881

Monday, April 29th, 7pm – Living a Mindful Life
Morristown Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-292-2063

Tuesday, April 30th, 6:30pm – Finding Your Passion
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Phone: 973-228-2092

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About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

For more information please contact Diane at dlcounseling2014@gmail.com or checkout her website http://www.dlcounseling.com

 

Monthly Commitment to Yourself- April

Continuing on with our monthly commitments, it’s Spring and it’s time to declutter.
When we think of de-cluttering, we think of our homes and office spaces but I want you to start with your basic needs and making sure we are physically healthy.
If we aren’t in good physical health, it affects us emotionally and mentally, so it’s a great place to start.
For one week, I want you to keep a journal of four things: sleep, exercise, diet and water.
I just want you to keep track, don’t make any changes the first week. Don’t make any hard judgments or criticize yourself. This is for information only so we know what changes to make.
At the end of the week, you can see what is missing from your life and which areas need improvement. The following week you can make those improvements by setting goals and actions steps to get there. Make sure to plan for obstacles.

This is what we need:
Sleep – Most of us need 7-8 hours a night. If you are not getting enough sleep, work on your sleep hygiene. Try to go to bed and wake up around the same time each night and morning.
Keep the room cool and dark. White noise helps a lot of my clients. If you have problems falling asleep, meditation is very helpful.

Diet – I tell my clients to watch out for two things – when you eat and what you eat. We should have a snack every 3-4 hours. It can be something small but healthy like cheese and crackers, an apple and peanut/almond butter, etc.
Read your food labels – if the first two ingredients are sugar, fake sugar or any form of sugar, get rid of it!
If you can’t pronounce everything on the label, it’s fake/GMO – try to eat as pure as you can which means more home cooked meals. I know that isn’t always possible so do the best you can.

Water – Try to drink at least 7-8 glasses of water a day. This does not include Caffeinated sodas, tea or coffee. It does include broth, decaffeinated herbal teas like ginger, lemon, etc.

If you find yourself getting tired in the afternoon after lunch, add more water. Slowly sip two full glasses of water after lunch. It will take about two weeks but you will see an increase in your energy.

Exercise – I stick with walking because it’s free, easy and most people can do it but any exercise is good. Exercise produces endorphins (happy chemical) while reducing your stress hormone (cortisol), walking also produces mindfulness.
Its the best way to de-stress with no side effects.
April 2019 Events and Workshops – Open to the Public

Monday, April 1st, 7pm – Positive Aging
Florham Park, NJ
Phone: 973-443-9222

Monday, April 1st,10:30am – Brookdale Community College – Positive Aging
Brookdale Community College, NJ
Phone: 732-224-2315

Tuesday, April 2nd, 6:30pm – Re-train Your Brain for Success
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Phone: 973-228-2092

Thursday, April 4th, 6:30pm – Finding Your Passion
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 Ext. 2224

April 5th- 7th – Women’s Wellness Weekend
YMCA at Camp Bernie, Post Murry, NJ
Phone: 908-832-5315

Tuesday, April 9th, 6:30pm – Declutter Your Life & Reduce Stress
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Phone: 973-228-2092

Wednesday, April 10th, 10am – Having Healthy Relationships with Your Adult Kids
Great Horizons, NJ
Phone: 973-292-2063

Wednesday, April 10th, 7pm – Declutter Your Life & Reduce Stress
Emerson Community School, NJ
Phone: 201-262-5502

Thursday, April 11th, 7pm – Turning Setbacks into Advantages
Princeton Adult School, NJ
Phone: 609-683-1101

Monday, April 22nd, 7pm – Positive Aging
Emerson Community School, NJ
Phone: 201-262-5502

Tuesday, April 23rd, 6:30pm – Turning Setbacks into Advantages
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Phone: 973-228-2092

Wednesday, April 24th, 7pm – I Am Enough
Ramsey Adult School, NJ
Phone: 201-327-2025

Thursday, April 25th, 6pm – Positive Aging
Northampton Community College, Monroe Campus, PA
Phone: 570-369-1881

Monday, April 29th, 7pm – Living a Mindful Life
Morristown Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-292-2063

Tuesday, April 30th, 6:30pm – Finding Your Passion
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Phone: 973-228-2092

About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

 

Is your natural default negative or positive?

Most of us live on autopilot. We are not very mindful of our thoughts because we are so busy just living our lives, going to work, paying bills, taking care of the home, etc.
It’s important to know what our belief systems are. To know what we think about even if we are so preoccupied, we are not fully paying attention.
It’s our subconscious thoughts that hold the key to our belief systems and what’s holding us back from living our best life.
Many of our days at spent with situations that bring up our default setting. Anytime someone criticizes you, judges you, hurts your feelings- what comes up for you? Write it down so you can be self-aware.
For most of us, we have beliefs that come up that sound like this:
I’m not worthy or lovable.
I’m not enough.
I don’t deserve it.
Of course this happened to me.
They are probably mad at me or I let them down, it’s what I always do. I never do anything right.

When you can’t fall asleep at night or you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep what thoughts immediately come up? Are these thoughts negative or positive?
If you are driving in the car and not focused on music or talk radio and you find yourself stuck in your thoughts – are they negative or positive?
It’s important to listen to your auto pilot beliefs, it shows whether your default is negative or positive?
When we notice our thoughts/beliefs are mostly negative, we stay in the negative, we focus on the negative, we notice only the negative.
What you think about is the life you have.
The good news is you choose your default.

Remember, beliefs are just thoughts we heard over and over again, it doesn’t mean they are based on truth or facts.
Upcoming March Events 2019

Monday, March 25th, 7pm – Declutter Your Life & Reduce Stress
Morristown Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-292-2063

Tuesday, March 26th, 6:30pm – Positive Aging
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Phone: 973-228-2092

Thursday, March 28th, 1030am – Mind, Body & Soul – Finding your Balance
Mount Saint Mary College, Desmond Campus NY
Phone: 845-565-2076

About Diane Lang..

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

 

Finding forgiveness with yourself

 

We have all found ourselves in a place where we needed to forgive someone for what they have done. We receive a heartfelt apology and we usually accept it and move forward.
But what if the person you are mad at is yourself. Then what? Forgiveness is important to the healing process. We need to forgive others as well as ourselves to feel free of the pain, blame and resentment due to anger.
If we hold on to the anger, it affects every decision/choice we make. The anger can stay with us forever and we can quickly become very bitter and resentful. It can cause both physical and emotional consequences but there is a better way. It’s forgiveness. I have noticed a lot of my clients hate the word forgiveness. They think if they forgive someone or even themselves that they justify the behavior. This is not true. Forgiveness is a process of letting go of the pain by feeling the emotions that come up, understanding the pain and finding the purpose/reason for the pain. We know when we have truly forgiven when we can discuss the situation that caused us anger without pain. At this point, we can use our experiences to help others as well as help ourselves.

How To Forgive Yourself:
Look at the big picture of who you are – making mistakes doesn’t make us bad people. Our actions might have not been the best, but it doesn’t man we are bad people. We are much more then that. Don’t let what you have done become your identity. We all have done some bad things that have hurt people (unintentionally) and we also have done many great things. Look at your whole life and you will be able to see both the good and the bad.
Mistakes are teachable/learnable moments. We will all make mistakes and some of these mistakes will affect other people and cause hurt, pain and fear. Don’t let these mistakes take over your thoughts instead ask yourself: What can I learn from the situation? How can I make changes?
Change your Perspective. If a friend came to you and told you what they have done and how it hurt others, what would be your response? Would you tell them everyone makes mistakes? Would you remind them that they are only human? Or that they didn’t mean to hurt anyone? That they did the best the could at the time? How would you soothe them? Would you show compassion? Kindness? Empathy? We all could use a little self-compassion and kindness. Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend.
Look deep inside for the root problem -we can have a hard time forgiving ourselves when we don’t love ourselves. We tend to forgive people because we love them. If we truly love and accept ourselves, forgiveness will feel more natural. We will be more willing to forgive ourselves and move forward in life. If you are having feelings of not being lovable, worthy or enough then a good place to start would be learning why you are feeling this way.
Figure out the “why” behind your actions. It’s important to understand why we behaved the way we did. What was causing our behavior that we feel guilty about. Why did we cheat? Why did we criticize our friend? Why did we hit our kids? Etc. Understanding why we behaved in a certain manner can prevent us from doing it again. Self-awareness helps us to make changes and move forward.
Grieve the loss -if you lost a relationship due to your behaviors, then grieve the loss. Feel the emotions caused by the loss.
Offer an apology to the person you hurt, ask for forgiveness, take responsibility for your actions and let them know why it won’t happen again. Apologizing can help us to feel better and find a sense of peace and closure.

When forgiving yourself:
What was your intention? Most likely you will realize it was never your intention to hurt anyone. You can see that deep down, you are a good person who made a mistake.
Be honest with yourself – how are you feeling about your actions? Do you feel bad? Remorseful? Sad?
Have you asked the person for forgiveness who you have hurt?
What are you willing to do to make amends?
What have you learned from your behaviors/actions? How can you make changes in the future?
What will happen if you don’t forgive yourself?
Have you shown yourself some self-compassion? Empathy? Look at the big picture of what type of person are you truly?
Why did you hurt the person? Was it because your afraid? Avoiding your own pain?

Making Monthly Commitments

Each month can be used to do something that makes you feel happier and healthier. January is always the month of resolutions. Unfortunately, by the third week of January, most of us have given up on our resolutions. Instead of setting up big resolutions that we don’t accomplish, let’s do small things each month to keep us moving in the direction towards making this the best year yet. Every month you should set up a commitment that helps you be healthier, happier and leads you in the direction of living your best life and accomplishing your goals.
Since it’s already the end of February, I’m going straight into March and will send new commitments each month.
In March, we start thinking about spring, warmer weather and longer days filled with sunlight. We are itching to get out more and breathe in the fresh air. For March, let’s make this the month of moving our bodies. It doesn’t matter what it is. It could be going for a walk a few times a week, using the stairs instead of the elevator, parking further away from the stores and your work, getting out of your car to go to the bank, taking dance classes, etc. Its just time to move. Exercise is great but is optional; movement is necessary. If you don’t have an exercise routine that doesn’t mean you can’t be moving all day. We even know fidgeting is good. Fidgeting helps us burn some calories, protects your arteries and lowers your risk for death. The quote below gives us some scary statics. Being sedentary has become our “Norm” and it’s unhealthy for both our minds and bodies. It’s time to get Moving!!!

“In less than two generations, physical activity has dropped by 20% in the U.K. and 32% in the U.S. In China, the drop is 45% in less than one generation. Vehicles, machines and technology now do our moving for us. What we do in our leisure time doesn’t come close to making up for what we’ve lost” – designedtomove.org

For more information please visit Diane’s website: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

Visualization for Success

Using Visualization To Reach Your Goals:
By: Diane Lang

Now that January is over and we have gotten past our failed New Years resolutions and the unhappiest day of the year (Blue Monday, 3rd Monday in January), we can now
focus on the rest of the year and all the possibilities and opportunities it will bring.

Let’s start with asking ourselves a few questions. Take your time to answer the questions but be honest with yourself. These steps including visualization. Visualization is so important to accomplishing your goals and this is why:
“Visualization works because when you imagine yourself performing perfectly and doing exactly what you want, you physiologically create neural patterns in your brain, just as if you had done the action.”
The thought/image can stimulate the nervous system in the same way as the actual event does which is why visualization works great and is used in sports.
When we use visualization regularly, it leads to a higher level of performance. It helps you focus better in order to achieve your goals. It inspires and motivates you to continue following your dreams.

How to visualize
1. Go somewhere quiet and private where you have 5-10 minutes of undisturbed time.
2. Start by closing your eyes and relaxing by taking a few deep breathes. Make sure you are in a comfortable position.
3. Visualize the situation/goal you desire in your mind as clearly as you can with as much detail as you can.
4. Use your senses- what do you see? how do you feel? what do you hear? etc.
5. Practice this daily.

Questions

1. Where do you want to be at the end of this year? What do you want your life to look like/ feel like?
Who are you spending your time with?

2. If next year on Feb 11th, 2020, your life hasn’t changed and everything is still the same, what would you feel like?
What would be the consequences if your life stayed exactly the same and you felt as you do today?

3. Write down your goals to accomplish for the end of the year. When we write down our goals, we are 42% more likely to accomplish them.

4. Visualize this life. Visualize if your goals were accomplished at the end of 2019 what your life would look like? feel like?

5. What steps can you take in February to get closer to your goals/vision? Write these steps down. This will be the action you need to start moving towards your vision.

6. Every month re-evaluate your goals and create new actions steps to get closer to accomplishing your goals/vision.

7. Everyday visualize the life you want.

 

About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.