Post Traumatic Growth – Creating Positive Change in the Aftermath

Post Traumatic Growth- Creating Positive Change in the Aftermath
By: Diane Lang

We will all go through a trauma or crisis in our lives at one time or another.
If you are like me, you will go through several and still have more to go.
That’s how life is. It’s filled with ups and downs and we can’t control everything that will happen to us, however, we do have control on how we respond and react to situations.

When we go through a crisis, we can let it take over our world or we can turn inward and figure out what we can learn from from the crisis. Also learning how we can take our pain and help others. This is called Post Traumatic Growth.

Post Traumatic Growth is a positive change that occurs as a result of the struggle and pain from a crisis or trauma. The term was coined in the 1990’s by Richard Tedeschi.

Suffering has its advantages. Let me remind you of them so when you find yourself in the middle of a crisis, you can use them and create Post Traumatic Growth.

1. When we hit rock bottom and we decide to truly accept our situation, we can release the resistance/struggle and stress that comes from a fight we can’t win. When we stay in the struggle, we are fighting against a circumstance we have no control over which causes stress, anger and frustration. When we truly accept a situation, we can breath again, release the stress and see our situation with clarity; not fear or anger.
2. After we go through the acceptance stage, we can take steps forward, take action and create momentum in a positive direction.
3. We can appreciate what we have – When we take the time to accept and move forward, we can start seeing the good in our lives. When the focus is taken away from the negative, we can see the small gifts that occur daily. Start adding gratitude checks into your nightly routine. Before you go to bed every night, ask yourself: What are 2-3 things I’m grateful for that happen today? Gratitude will help you to appreciate the little things while cultivating both happiness and mindfulness.
4. Rock bottom has the power to lead you in a new direction, to find a new purpose and goal in life, to create new passions and desires. I have many clients who have been through major illnesses and injuries that have shaped who they have become. It lead them in the direction of helping others by sharing their stories. How can you take your trauma/crisis story and help others with it? Remember that by sharing your story, you help people feel less alone.
5. Making in through a trauma/crisis creates strength and resiliency. When I became very sick about six years ago, I went into a very dark place. It took me about a year to work my way out of the darkness but when I did, I was so amazed at myself for surviving through a very tough time. I felt strong and brave. Look at your trauma/crisis and see what great traits it brought out. You are probably a lot braver, stronger and more resilient than ever before.
6. All trauma lead us to a new appreciation for life and everything in it. The small things like a sunset, reading a good book or taking a walk all have new meaning. The everyday becomes a miracle.

We all have the potential to grow from our experiences especially the negative ones. A lot of our circumstances are not in our control but how we respond and react always is.

For more information please visit Diane: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

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True Acceptance

True acceptance means facing your fears head on.
Not trying to control it or change it.
It’s not running from your feelings.
It’s choosing to stay and feel it all, both physically and emotionally.
It’s staying in the place of non-resistance until you are in a place of acceptance.
It’s grieving the transition; Change.
It’s allowing the shift of identity.
It’s coming to terms with your new world .
It’s looking at acceptance as the beginning of a new chapter.
It’s accepting what you have no control over so you can work on the things you do have control over.
Acceptance brings the power back to you.

September 2018

Thursday, September 13th, 10:30am – Emotional Detox – Dealing with Negative People
Mount Saint Mary College, Desmond Campus, Newburg, NY
Register: 845-565-2076

Monday, September 17th, 7pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Pequannock Public Library, NJ
Register: 973-835-7460 ext. 5

Thursday, September 20th & 27th, 6pm – Mind, Body & Soul – Finding Your Balance
Warren Community College, NJ
Register: 908-832-2333

Tuesday, September 25th, 1pm -How to Deal with Change and Loss
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 ext.2224

Wednesday, September 26th, 6:30pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Northampton Community College – Monroe Campus, PA
Register: 570-369-1881

 

For more information please visit Diane’s website: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLcounseling2014@gmail.com

Posted in Abundance, adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, development, dream life, empathy, fear, Goals, Gratitude, grief, growth, happiness, Intention, Joy, life coaching, love, Mindfulness, non-credit courses, Parent, parenting, pay it forward, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, priorities, pro-active, psychology, self help, self-care, spirituality, therapy, Thoughts, toxic people, transitions, Uncategorized, workshops | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Teaching Kids about Mistakes

By: Diane Lang

As adults we tend to get upset when we make mistakes. I have heard clients, friends and family be really hard on themselves when they make a mistake. What we do not realize as parents is the following: our kids hear what we say and watch our non-verbal behaviors. Every time we get upset at ourselves for making a mistake, we are teaching our kids that it’s not okay to make a mistake, which is not the truth. We should teach our kids and ourselves that mistakes are good. Teach them that they are actually teachable moments. We learn so much from our mistakes. Our mistakes lead us to our best path. It’s time that we change our perspective on mistakes and admit we make them, admit it’s okay and then move forward with a smile and all the knowledge we just learned.

Here Are Some Tips On Teaching Our Kids About Mistakes:

Teach your kids that we all make mistakes. Yes, everyone makes mistakes including mommy and daddy. Mistakes are a part of life. Give some examples of mistakes you have made. Tell your kids what you have learned from your own mistakes. If you have benefited from a mistake, let your kids know.
Teach your kids that it’s good to make mistakes.
Teach your kids about persistence. Teach your kids when they make mistakes, but validate their work. Hard work is all about the effort.
Teach your kids to make their own definition of success. Don’t let the media portray that success is all about money, fame and beauty. Kids need to know there is much more to success and that we all define success differently. Let your kids know money doesn’t equal happiness.
Teach your kids the reward of the Journey. Accomplishment is not about winning or losing, it’s about persistence and the journey to get there. Teach your kids all the good that comes out of mistakes. I met some great friends out of my biggest mistakes. I learned how strong I was each and every time I made a mistake. I learned to laugh at myself. I could go on and on, however, you get the point.
My mistakes have directed me into my true path. I made a lot of career mistakes but they all lead me to where I should be and where I am now. This is an important lesson to teach your older kids. As a college professor, you see a lot of kids get so hard on themselves for going to the wrong college, going for the wrong major, etc. It’s okay; you learn from it and end up in the right direction. It’s all about the big picture.
Mistakes don’t define who you are.
Talk about mistakes and not giving up at family time. Discuss the topic at dinner. Make sure your child knows that you believe that you will persist until you succeed. Mistakes do not equal quitting.
Young kids (up to puberty) want your acceptance and approval. If you tell your kids it’s okay to make a mistake and make light of it, they will feel better about mistakes. Don’t pressure your child about making mistakes. Kids feel stress.
Follow your own advice and really accept that it’s okay to make mistakes. Remember, kids are visual learners. The best way to let them know mistakes are okay is to show them through your own actions.
Explain to your kids that there is no such thing as perfection and trying to reach it is an unrealistic expectation that sets you up for failure.
Teach your kids to be resilient. Teach them to laugh at their mistakes, to write down what they learned from their mistakes, discuss ways they can correct their mistake.
September Events and Workshops Open to the Public

Thursday, September 6th, 6pm – Emotional Detox- Dealing with Negative People
C.B. Crawford Public Library, Monticello, NY
Register: 845-794-4660

Thursday, September 13th, 10:300am – Emotional Detox – Dealing with Negative People
Mount Saint Mary College, Desmond Campus, Newburg, NY
Register: 845-565-2076

Monday, September 17th, 7pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Pequannock Public Library, NJ
Register: 973-835-7460 ext. 5

Thursday, September 20th & 27th, 6pm – Mind, Body & Soul – Finding Your Balance
Warren Community College, NJ
Register: 908-832-2333

Tuesday, September 25th, 1pm – How to Deal with Change and Loss
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-744-0500 ext.2224

Wednesday, September 26th, 6:30pm – Positive Psychology – Finding Your Happiness
Northampton Community College – Monroe Campus, PA
Register: 570-369-1881

 

For more information please visit Diane’s website: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

Posted in adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, declutter, development, dream life, emotional declutter, empathy, fear, growth, happiness, Intention, Joy, life coaching, love, Mindfulness, non-credit courses, Parent, parenting, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, pro-active, psychology, self help, self-care, spirituality, Thoughts, transitions, Uncategorized, working moms, workshops | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I ‘am Enough

 

I Am Enough:
By: Diane Lang

Start with saying ” I am Enough” out loud/or to yourself and what comes up for you. What do you feel?
Do you feel like you are faking it? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Do you feel it physically? Do you hear “Bullshit” from your inner voice?
Can you even say it?

We all need a strong foundation to have a good life. The foundation should consist of self-worth and self-love.
When we don’t feel enough, we tend to self-sabotage ourselves/set ourselves up for failure because we feel we don’t deserve happiness, feel lovable or good enough.

It can cause us to feel numb, not get close to others, quit before we get hurt, take risks or be our authentic self. We become afraid of the idea that people won’t like us. We look for acceptance and approval from others. We try to be perfect and hope it helps us feel better. It makes us put others first, worry about pleasing others and put ourselves on the bottom of the priority list.

Society adds into this belief. Just look at every advertisement that tells you, you are not good enough. Social media adds to our fears of not being enough, we compare ourselves to others when we scroll through social media which can also cause FOMO ( fear of missing out). All of this adds to our insecurities.

Our biggest fear is that we are simply just not enough. When this is a belief system, we tend to feel it, believe it and live our lives like it’s the truth. It’s a limiting, untrue belief system that keeps you from being your best self.

Ask yourself, why do I believe I’m not good enough? Where does it come from?
For many, it’s childhood. Can you see who/where it came from and that their behavior was about them, not you?
Can you challenge the statement ” I am not enough”?
Is it really true? Do you have any facts?
Is the belief realistic?
Is the belief old and outdated?

To change our belief system, we need to start with self-awareness of our inner dialogue.
We need to challenge it.
We need to create new belief systems.
Remember, you are good enough. Always was, always will be.

 

For more information: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

 

Posted in Abundance, adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, development, dream life, emotional declutter, empathy, fear, Gratitude, grief, growth, happiness, Intention, Joy, life coaching, love, Meditation, Mindfulness, parenting, pay it forward, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, priorities, pro-active, psychology, self help, self-care, spirituality, Thoughts, transitions, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Words of Wisdom

Words of wisdom that we need to remind ourselves of daily- repeat these statements when we start to feel insecure and doubt ourselves. Our language can shift how we think. When we shift how we think, we change the outcome.

What If? – Opens the door for hope and possibilities.
Why Not?- Shares the knowledge that it has happened for others, which means of course it can happen for you.
Not Yet? – Just because something hasn’t happened today doesn’t mean it won’t tomorrow. Keep moving forward towards your dreams and goals.
I can do better -Every time you think you’re not good enough, think about how you can do better and have a different outcome. Every time something doesn’t work out as planned, I ask myself – Can I do better? The answer is usually yes, which motivates me to do better.
I deserve better – Never settle for anything but the best. Never settle for mediocrity! You deserve the best!

 

For more information please visit Diane’s website: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

Posted in Abundance, adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, development, emotional declutter, empathy, fear, Goals, Gratitude, growth, happiness, Intention, Joy, life coaching, love, Mindfulness, Parent, parenting, pay it forward, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, priorities, pro-active, psychology, self help, self-care, therapy, Thoughts, transitions, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Emotional Health Toolbox

We all work so hard to keep positive.
We all feel challenged frequently.
This is when it’s important to have an Emotional Health Toolbox.
A place where you can go to ground yourself.

My tool box is filled with:
Mindfulness to bring you back to the here and now so you do not focus on past baggage or the fear of the future
Positive affirmations to remind yourself of who you really are – write down a few affirmations you can say daily such as “I ‘am Healthy and whole”
Your list of happiness to add into your week to cultivate joy- have a list of at least 5 things that bring you joy and add them into your week
Meditation to take a pause and reboot- taking a few minutes to be in nature or to listen to a guided meditation gives you the break you need to de-stress, be more productive and creative.
Your “flow” activities to take you outside of yourself – what activities do you love that give you a sense of timelessness?
Gratitude checks to remind you there are always little gifts and blessings throughout your day
Random acts of kindness – nothing like doing for others to make yourself feel good and boost your self-esteem
Smiling, laughing, hugging, cuddling all produce endorphins which give you a boost of happiness for free with no side effects!
A good walk in nature in the sunshine gives you a boost of Vitamin D which keeps your immune system and your hopes high
Your support system when you need some empathy, compsssion and kindness – its important to have at least 1 or 2 people who we love and love us unconditionally
My dog which is the best form of therapy -it could be a dog, cat, horse, etc.

What does your toolbox look like?
If you don’t have one start now by adding in a variety of happiness habits such as walking, journal writing, meditation, gratitude, etc.

July 2018

Monday, July 30th, 10:30am- Living a Mindful Life
Mount Saint Mary College, NY
Phone: 845-565-2076

Tuesday, July 31st, 6:30pm- Finding Your Passion
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext. 2224

August 2018
Wednesday, August 1st & 8th, 2pm – Positive Aging
Warren Community College, NJ
Phone: 908-832-2333

Thursday, August 9th, 6pm – Positive Parenting
E.B. Crawford Library, Monticello, NY
Phone: 845-794-4660

Thursday, August 16th, 10:30am – Positive Psychology
Mount Saint Mary College, NY
Phone: 845-565-2076
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her two books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness” and “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career.” Diane has been speaking and empowering parents and adults nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet. In addition Lang writes a blog for Pazoo.com

 

Posted in Abundance, adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, development, dream life, Goals, Gratitude, growth, happiness, Intention, Joy, life coaching, love, Mindfulness, non-credit courses, parenting, pay it forward, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, priorities, pro-active, psychology, school, self help, self-care, spirituality, therapy, Thoughts, transitions, Uncategorized, values, workshops | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Letting go of Perfect

Letting Go Of “Perfect”
By: Diane Lang
Women tend to add more stress to their lives then we need.
Women (including myself) talk about the stress they have trying to be the perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect friend, perfect businesswoman, etc.
The first thing we need to do is remove the word “perfect”.
Why do we have to be perfect?
Is that realistic? Sustainable?
Of course not. However, we continue to try and it just causes more and more stress.
Perfectionism and control issues are two character traits that equal living a stressed out, unbalanced life.
We are actually doing more harm then good when we try to be perfect.
Instead, let’s take a step back and reduce the anxiety by letting go of perfection and control issues.
It’s ok to want to be your own best. Trying to be better then where you were yesterday
But the best doesn’t mean comparing yourself to others, perfectionism, extreme multi-tasking or trying to control everything.
Trying to be your best means doing what’s best for you and your family.
Being your best means some sacrifice, some compromise, saying no and self-care.
We must remember what we need emotionally, physically and spiritually. That’s balance. That’s when we are our best.
Are you being your best?

 

For more information please visit: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

Posted in Abundance, adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, development, dream life, emotional declutter, fear, Goals, Gratitude, grief, growth, happiness, Intention, Joy, life coaching, love, Meditation, Mindfulness, Parent, parenting, pay it forward, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, priorities, pro-active, psychology, self help, self-care, spirituality, Thoughts, transitions, Uncategorized, values, working moms | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment