Finding your Truth

 

Finding Your Truth:
By: Diane Lang

Am I living my truth? That’s the question to ask yourself.  When you live a truthful life, you will find a sense of peace, less stress and more happiness.

Living your truth means you will be living in the moment, and quite honestly, that seems really scary. I have gotten so used to living in my past where I can blame myself for everything or worrying about my future and the “what ifs”, that I don’t find myself spending much time in the moment. What if I did live my truth? I would be creating a more mindful life and being more present. Just writing and imagining it made me take a deep breath and release the stress. Let’s not fear our “True Self”, it is a place of peace and happiness.

Living your truth means you could hit rock bottom because living a lie is a life waiting to fail. We can only live a lie for so long before we start to unravel.
With rock bottom and the truth, there comes a sense of hope. It brings a new beginning, a fresh start.

Living my truth means change. We all know that just thinking about change scares us tremendously . Most of us will do anything to avoid change even if it means staying in a miserable relationship, job or life. Think about the truth; the truth that life is always constantly changing and we have survived and thrived through change for our whole lives. That fact should give us the hope that we can get through anything.

What if you decide you are done with fear and want to face all your changes head on? What if we didn’t live a lie or in fear? What if we removed anticipatory anxiety and blame and replaced it with the here and now?  What if we started finding out our truth and not avoiding it? What if we started feeling the truth and took steps to live a life as the real you? Start the process with those questions. It will begin the journey to your true self.
 Isn’t it time we all lived our truth?
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8 Tips for Dealing with Negative People by Diane Lang

We all have a few negative people in our lives. It could be family (and for most of my clients, it is family), friends, co-workers, neighbors, boyfriends, girlfriends, and even some of our teachers…

Source: 8 Tips for Dealing with Negative People by Diane Lang

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Loving yourself without conditions

Loving Yourself Unconditionally:
By: Diane Lang

If I asked you “Do you love yourself unconditionally?” …Could you say yes? I know for me, I have to remind myself to love unconditionally no matter what is going on with my life. Being raised in an environment where love has conditions, makes it hard for us to love ourselves without conditions. We are hardest on ourselves. It’s important  for us to remove the conditions and to love ourselves as we are, even through our darkest days.

5 Ways To Love Yourself Without Conditions:

1. Every night I ask myself, “What are 2-3 things I did well today?”  For a lot of us, at the end of the day, we can’t shut our thoughts off, and for many of us, the thoughts are negative. We rehash in our head what we did wrong, what didn’t work or what we forget to do. Instead, let’s change the negativity to positivity by ending our night going over the good in our day, the things we did well. Don’t look for big things, it could be the little things that you did well that makes the difference.

2. Self Compassion: Instead of judging and criticizing ourselves, we need to show kindness and love. When things go wrong in our life, listen to the negative self talk that pops up. The autopilot thoughts that remind us that nothing ever goes right or that we are stupid or a failure.
When you hear those autopilot thoughts repeating themselves, tell it to stop! You can say STOP out loud or to yourself. You can visualize a stop sign or red light. Whatever will help you to stop the negative thoughts in their tracks.
Once you stop the thoughts, start with kindness and compassion. Remind yourself of the effort you made, the risk you took, the accomplishments you have had in the past. Remind yourself of what you learned from the situation but without being judgmental or critical.

3. Emotional detox: If you are surrounded by negative, toxic people, it’s hard to feel good about anything. Instead, hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself. When you spend time with someone, you should leave with a boost of happiness. If you find yourself feeling drained or down, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.

4. Put yourself first: You can’t give what you don’t have! If you are not taking care of yourself, how could you be your best for everyone else? Putting yourself first means self-care, saying “no” and doing things that you enjoy.

5. Forgiveness: When you love yourself unconditionally, you learn that you will make mistakes. That’s part of being human and the growth process. Instead, of spending time putting yourself down, take that time to forgive yourself. Take the time to realize why you made the mistake, what you could do differently next time. Ask yourself, what did you learn and how did it change you for the the better? We will all make mistakes, it’s normal and expected so instead of beating yourself up for each mistake, try forgiveness. With forgiveness comes unconditional love.
Unconditional Love Exercise: On a piece of paper, make three columns. In column one, write down all your skills. In column two, write down all your roles and in column three, write down your accomplishments.
This might take some time. Clients tell me it could take a few days to remember everything. Remember, we have skills and accomplishments all the way back to childhood and they are all important.
When you are done, take a long look at the paper and everything you have written to see how much you have done, how much you have grown and accomplished. Leave this list in a place you can look at every time you are feeling unloved or like a failure to remind yourself  of all the good in your life.
 
 
“Demonstrate Love By Giving It Unconditionally To Yourself”

September Workshops 
Thursday, September 15 – October 6, 1pm – Psychology in Film
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext 2224
 
Tuesday, September 20, 7pm – Living a Mindful Life
Montclair Adult school, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext 2224
 
Wednesday, September 21, 7pm – Coaching Yourself to Success- Free Workshop
Jefferson Township Public Library, NJ
Phone: 973-208-6244
 
Saturday, September 24, 2pm – Dealing with Stress – Free Workshop
Stratford Public Library, NJ
Phone: 856-783-0602
 
Monday, September 26, 7pm – The Developing Child, Ages 3 – 6 Free Workshop
Bernard’s Township Public Library, NJ
Phone: 908-204-3031
 
Tuesday, September 27 – Tuesday, October 11, 6pm – Emotional Wellness Series
Warren Community College, NJ
Phone: 908-835-2333
Posted in beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, development, growth, happiness, Joy, life coaching, love, Parent, parenting, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, pro-active, psychology, self help, spirituality, therapy, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Finding your gratitude

 
I have been struggling with some medical issues in the last few months. Usually, I would spend my time getting upset over being sick and not in control. This time I decided to use my illness as a learnable lesson. What if I looked at my life and asked myself what was missing? What could I do better to take care of myself physically? Emotionally? Spiritually?
I realized that gratitude has been part of my morning routine for years but it wasn’t having the same impact it used to have. The reason was, I was just saying my gratitude without meaning. When I started paying attention to my gratitude moments in the morning, I realized I was saying the same gratitudes over and over again without meaning or thought behind it. Gratitude just became part of my morning routine like taking a shower, brushing my teeth and eating breakfast. I was doing gratitude on autopilot and needed to stop and really focus on what I was thankful for.
This was the change I needed. Maybe my latest illness was just a wake up call to really be in the present in my life and what I truly had that I didn’t appreciate or pay much attention to?  Maybe my latest illness is a wake up call to pay more Attention to all the good in my life. All the love in my life. I took the hint and started by saying Thank you to God (universe, the source) for being alive and for the wake up call. I knew I could do better and for that I’m truly grateful.
The changes in my gratitude routine:
My new gratitude routine consists of my old usual routine of asking myself everyday: What are 2-3 things I’m grateful for? but then I take it a step further and after each thing I’m grateful for I ask why? The why allows me to dig deeper and realize why I’m truly grateful.
I take some time to say my gratitude checks. I don’t rush through it, I put time and attention into it.
I do an act of showing thanks to at least one person a day. I think this step adds to my gratitude by sharing it with others.
I don’t have expectations on gratitude. Some days I’m only grateful for one thing and sometimes I struggle to find that one thing but other times my list could go on for a long time. I don’t expect to be grateful for big things or miracles, some times the best moments of thanks are for the little things. When I’m grateful for the little things, they end up becoming bigger and better.

What are you grateful for? Why?
 

SEPTEMBER 2016:
Thursday, September 15 – October 6, 1pm – Psychology in Film
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext 2224
 
Tuesday, September 20, 7pm – Living a Mindful Life
Montclair Adult school, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext 2224
 
Wednesday, September 21, 7pm – Coaching Yourself to Success- Free Workshop
Jefferson Township Public Library, NJ
Phone: 973-208-6244
 
Saturday, September 24, 2pm – Dealing with Stress – Free Workshop
Stratford Public Library, NJ
Phone: 856-783-0602
 
Monday, September 26, 7pm – The Developing Child, Ages 3 – 6 Free Workshop
Bernard’s Township Public Library, NJ
Phone: 908-204-3031
 
Tuesday, September 27 – Tuesday, October 11, 6pm – Emotional Wellness Series
Warren Community College, NJ
Phone: 908-835-2333
Posted in Abundance, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, development, dream life, Goals, growth, happiness, Joy, life coaching, love, Mindfulness, motherhood, Parent, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, pro-active, self help, spirituality, therapy, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Power of Acceptance

The Power Of Acceptance:
Accepting your life and situations at this moment is a choice but one you shouldn’t take lightly. If you choose to accept, you can find peace, clarity, growth and happiness. When we don’t accept we find ourselves caught up in a never ending circle of struggle and frustration. We can’t get off the hamster wheel till we accept and let go of our struggle and just breathe. Yes, I think acceptance and breathing go hand in hand. For most of us when we can’t get off the hamster wheel of anger and frustration, we find ourselves not relaxing or having any peace but with acceptance, I felt a weight has been lifted off my chest and I could finally breathe again. The choice is yours. Do you choose acceptance or struggle?
9 Ways To Acceptance:
1. Stop comparing yourself to others.
2. Don’t aim for perfection, it’s never going to happen.
3. Acceptance doesn’t mean stuck or not moving forward. Acceptance means this is where I am today and from here I can make the decision where I want to go tomorrow.
4. Acceptance means letting go of controlling everything but you and how you react. We can’t control anything but ourselves and when we try to change others, we get frustrated and angry because we can’t control others.
**Control and perfection are personality traits that are learned and cause us to feel stressed out.
5  True acceptance takes off the pressure we have put on ourselves by trying to be perfect, to be like others or trying to control everything. When we release the stress and anxiety, we can finally feel a sense of peace and clarity.
6. True acceptance allows us to slow down, relax and have clarity. With that clarity, we can make decisions based on love not fear. If we make decisions from a good place, a well thought out place, we can stop resentment and regret. Take the time to accept, slow down and see things clearly, we will make better choices.
7. Acceptance can only come with forgiveness – forgiveness of others and ourselves. We can’t be angry and in true acceptance at the same time. Acceptance means taking responsibility for everything in our lives including the arguments, disagreements and hurt. Forgiveness allows us to see the big picture. With all pain comes growth. With forgiveness comes the lesson and clarity. Forgiveness brings us a peace of mind, it allows us to move forward and grow. Hold onto pain and you will remain stuck in negativity.
8. Acceptance of your life in the present moment means change is coming. We can accept our situations and where we are but with each new day comes new changes. No matter how much you try to avoid change, it’s unavoidable. So accept where you are and your situation and know that acceptance is the beginning of your next chapter.
9. When you feel stuck and stagnate- accept. Don’t keep trying to problem solve and find an answer when your thought process is the same. We don’t problem solve in a healthy manner when we are in the mist of a struggle and filled with anger and fear. Instead, try the acceptance route. Stop the struggle, let go of the fight and just accept. This means do nothing, don’t take any action just accept. Be still and at peace with where you are at this very moment. Don’t try to change it, fight it, ignore it, avoid it, etc. just truly accept. When we accept and let go and see things with a clear vision, new answers and solutions come up. Accept and wait for it, it will come.

September Workshops:
Thursday, September 15 – October 6, 1pm – Psychology in Film
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext 2224
 
Tuesday, September 20, 7pm – Living a Mindful Life
Montclair Adult school, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext 2224
 
Wednesday, September 21, 7pm – Coaching Yourself to Success- Free Workshop
Jefferson Township Public Library, NJ
Phone: 973-208-6244
 
Saturday, September 24, 2pm – Dealing with Stress – Free Workshop
Stratford Public Library, NJ
Phone: 856-783-0602
 
Monday, September 26, 7pm – The Developing Child, Ages 3 – 6 Free Workshop
Bernard’s Township Public Library, NJ
Phone: 908-204-3031
 
Tuesday, September 27 – Tuesday, October 11, 6pm – Emotional Wellness Series
Warren Community College, NJ
Phone: 908-835-2333
Posted in adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, development, dream life, Goals, growth, happiness, Joy, life coaching, love, Mindfulness, Parent, parenting, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, pro-active, self help, spirituality, therapy, Uncategorized, values | Leave a comment

Why am I so hard on myself?

Why am I so hard on myself?

I don’t know if your like me but if you are you can be too critical, judgmental and harsh towards yourself. The way we talk to ourselves is just downright mean. If anyone else talked to me like that, well, we wouldn’t be friends and a few choice words would of been said.
The questions I hear from clients and what I often ask myself is why do we tolerate such bad behavior? Why are we not kinder to ourselves? Why do we expect perfection from ourselves when we know that’s impossible and then get mad at ourselves for not being perfect?

Signs of being too hard on yourself:
1. Your over critical and expect perfection which sets you up for failure
2. You rehash  all your mistakes and failures over and over again, you don’t give yourself a break because you don’t think you deserve it!  You obsess over and over what went what wrong and why- why you did it that way? What you could of done different? This could go on for hours or even days and then when you finally let go something else happens and your right back to obsessing on why you did things wrong! It’s like watching the same show over and over again. We need to stop the reruns playing in our head with the same theme “What’s wrong with me?”
3. Nothing you do is good enough – no matter how much effort or how it comes out even if everyone else thinks you were great, you still think it’s not good enough!

If this sounds like you then here are a few ways to stop the harshness and be a better friend to yourself.

1. Set up realistic expectations – being perfect or constantly in control is impossible and just sets us up for failure instead set realistic expectations with a realistic time frame to meet those goals. Remember we can’t control anything but ourselves and our reactions, if we are trying to control others we will be hurting ourselves and pushing others away.
2. Mistakes bring growth – if we don’t make mistakes and have failures, we can’t grow and change. Instead of expecting perfection expect to learn. With every mistake/failure comes a lesson.
3. Instead of being too critical let’s look for the positive – every night before you go to bed ask yourself:  What are 2-3 things I did well today? Let’s teach ourselves to spend time looking at the positive instead of the negative.
4. Expect growing pains – it’s part of life, we are human. Life will come with ups and downs, mistakes, failures and accomplishments. Look at the big picture  and don’t punish yourself for the down times.
5. Don’t compare yourself to others- we have more options to compare ourselves now with the Internet and social media but don’t do it.  It’s a no win situation. Everybody’s grass looks greener until you actually talk to that person. Don’t perceive that others have perfect lives because it’s not true. Instead accept who you are and start learning to love yourself again.
6. Treat yourself with the same respect and kindness you treat others. If you wouldn’t say something to another person especially a friend or family member then why would you say it to yourself?

* When we constantly criticize ourselves and expect perfection we get stuck in a loop we can’t get out off. Instead get off the hamster wheel and treat yourself with compassion, kindness, patience and understanding. Look for the lessons, remind yourself it all brings growth and accept and love yourself!

For more information visit: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

 

Posted in adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, development, Goals, growth, happiness, Joy, life coaching, love, parenting, pay it forward, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, pro-active, psychology, school, self help, spirituality, therapy, transitions, Uncategorized, values | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pay it forward- guest post

Paying It Forward:
By: Cristina B.
Paying it forward has a lot of great benefits, believe it or not. The best one, is that it makes you feel really good inside and it makes others feel good too! However, imagine how heavily stressed or apathetic we’ve become as a society, that yesterday, when I paid for coffee for two people behind me their reactions were a little different.The one directly behind me thanked me, and told me it made her day.The person behind her though, simply asked me “Why?” and seemed a bit disgruntled. It didn’t bother me, though. It just surprised me! Imagine asking “Why?” being a reaction to paying it forward. Now, I won’t let that experience bother me. In fact, it’ll only encourage me to do it more!
Believe it or not, there are a lot of great benefits to paying it forward. Here are a few:
  • By contributing towards the greater good  your self worth and self esteem improves.
  • It can prevent people from becoming isolated, encouraging them to meet new people and step outside of their comfort zones.
  • Makes others feel good, and you too.
  • Encourages others to do the same.
You don’t have to do anything crazy to start! Something simple like putting extra quarters for the next person at the meter, buying someone a cup of coffee, giving up a seat on the subway or even complimenting someone! Paying it forward is good for the soul. Remember, it starts with you!


AUGUST 2016
Tuesday, August 16, 630pm – Re-train Your Brain for Happiness

Ross School, Hamptons, Long Island
Phone: 631-907-5400

Tuesday, August 23, 1030am – Living a Mindful Life
Mount Saint Mary’s College, Newburgh, NY
Phone: 845-565-2076

Posted in Abundance, Change, coaching, counseling, development, dream life, growth, happiness, Joy, life coaching, love, pay it forward, personal development, psychology, self help, spirituality, therapy, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment