Develop your Emotional Toolbox

We all need ways to de-stress and self-soothe. We hear from many others how to do it but de-stressing and self-soothing is different for everyone. There are so many ways but the best way is what works for you, what feels right for you.
I’m offering 12 different tools to keep in your tool box to use when things gets tough. Pick and choose what works for you, then, pass the rest along. If you have any other tools you use, please send them to me so I can share them with my readers. If it works for you, it can work for others.

The morning dump – take a few minutes every morning to write out what’s on your mind, what you are feeling, what’s stressing you, etc. When writing do it without judgment or grammar/spell check. It’s just a way to dump what is weighing on your mind and causing stress.
1-2-3 technique – a very simple breathing technique to help you reduce stress and nervousness. Breathe in through your nose for a count of three, hold for a count of three and exhale through your mouth for a count of three. It’s very easy to remember. If you do a count of 2 or 4 instead, it’s fine just breathe.
Get mindful with a walk – science has proven the best way to get mindfulness is by walking. A nice paced walk will help you clear the clutter from your head and de-stress. We know mindfulness and meditation is the only natural way to de-stress. I always tell my clients to walk because it is easy and free but all exercises are good.
Get grounded by walking through the grass or sand with bare feet. Feel nature on your felt while you use your physical senses to calm you. What do you hear? See in Nature? Smell? Touch? For kids: have them lay down in the grass and have them explain what they feel, see, touch, hear, etc.
Talk it out- we all need to get our emotions out. Make sure you have a strong support system. We all need 1 or 2 people we trust and love unconditionally. If not a counselor, life coach or spiritual adviser can work
Music is a great way to change your mood instantly. Having a stressful day, play some music that makes you feel good.
When we are having a bad day and want to change our mood we can do it through memories/experiences. Sit down and close your eyes. Visualize a happy time in your life, it could be a party, vacation, etc. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was. Your brain can’t tell the difference between a memory that happen last week or twenty years ago. When we visualize and remember a happy time, it brings the happiness to the surface and changes our mood.
Laugh, spoon, cuddle, hug, smile… they all produce endorphins “ The Happy Chemical”
Chew gum – sugarless of course! Chewing gum improves our moods and memory.
Gratitude -gratitude cultivates mindfulness and happiness while re-training your brain to go from negative to positive. I have my clients every night before bed do a gratitude check. All you have to do is say or write down 2-3 things your grateful for that happen today. It helps you to see and focus on the good In your day.
Unplug from social media – social media causes FOMO ( fear of missing out). When we scroll through social media we start comparing ourselves to others which can make us feel worse about ourselves.
Watch your night time thinking -whatever your think 15-20 mins before bed affects if we sleep, how we sleep and what mood we wake up in the morning. No news at night. The News makes us feel sad and fearful. Instead do your gratitude and meditate, they are part of a healthy nightly routine.
JANUARY 2019

Wednesday, Jan 23, 7pm – Positive Parenting
Roxbury Public Library, NJ
Phone: 973-584-2400

Thursday, Jan 24, 930am – Positive Psychology
Rutgers University, NJ
Phone: 732-932-7057

Wednesday, Jan 30, 1030am – Positive Aging
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext.2224

About Diane Lang…

Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

 

 

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Posted in adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, declutter, development, dream life, emotional declutter, Emotional Toolbox, empathy, fear, Goals, Gratitude, grief, growth, happiness, Intention, Joy, life coaching, loneliness, love, Mindfulness, non-credit courses, Parent, parenting, pay it forward, personal development, positive emotions, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, priorities, pro-active, psychology, school, self help, self-care, spirituality, therapy, Thoughts, toxic people, transitions, Uncategorized, workshops | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

9 tips to make 2019 the best year yet!

With the New Year just starting, we get very excited for all the possibilities and opportunities that could come to us. It’s the time of year when we feel like we have a fresh new start. Let’s make the best of the New Year by taking action and moving forward.
9 tips to make 2019 the best year yet!

1. Don’t try to do it all at once. Baby steps keep us moving forward in a realistic manner without feeling overwhelmed.

2. Start with 1 or 2 goals. Give these goals your full focus and attention. Don’t have too many goals, where you spread yourself to thin and become easily frustrated or feel like giving up. Make sure you have a realistic time frame to accomplish your goals, if you don’t give yourself enough time to accomplish them, you can set yourself for failure.

3. Write your goals down. When we write our goals down, we are 42% more likely to accomplish them. If you share your goals with others who believe in you, your chances go up even further.

4. After your write your goals then put down at least 2 action steps to get there. These are the steps that push us in the right direction. The action starts the momentum.

5. Re-evaluate your goals and action steps every few months – are they realistic? Are the time frames you set up realistic?
Did you accomplish your goals and its time to make new ones?

6. Feed your desires – what new information do you need to learn to accomplish your goals? Do you need to go back to school? Get a certificate? Professional or personal development?

7. Why- What’s your “why” behind your goals? The why keeps you motivated. The why helps you keep going when you feel like giving up.

8. Risks – what risks can you take weekly to reach your goals? What makes you feel uncomfortable? What fear comes to the surface? When we take risks/step outside our comfort zone we cause growth.

9. Who inspires you – who is living your dream? Follow them on social media, read their books, listen to their podcasts, etc. Learn from them.

JANUARY 2019 Workshops Open to the Public

Wednesday, Jan 9, 10:30am – New Year, New You
Mount Saint Mary College – Desmond Campus, NY
Phone: 845-565-2076

Thursday, Jan 10 & 17, 1pm – Positive Aging
Montville Public Library, NJ
Phone: 973-402-0900

Wednesday, Jan 16, 630pm – Transitioning into High School
Denville Middle School, NJ
http://www.denville.org

Wednesday, Jan 23, 7pm – Positive Parenting
Roxbury Public Library, NJ
Phone: 973-584-2400

Thursday, Jan 24, 930am – Positive Psychology
Rutgers University, NJ
Phone: 732-932-7057

Wednesday, Jan 30, 1030am – Positive Aging
Montclair Adult School, NJ
Phone: 973-744-0500 ext.2224

About Diane Lang

‌Therapist, Educator and Life Coach

As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

 

Posted in Abundance, adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, development, dream life, emotional declutter, empathy, fear, Goals, Gratitude, grief, growth, happiness, Intention, Joy, life coaching, love, Mindfulness, non-credit courses, personal development, positive emotions, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, priorities, pro-active, psychology, Resolutions, school, self help, self-care, spirituality, Thoughts, transitions, Uncategorized, workshops | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tips for a great New Year

Tips for a great new year

We all want to start the New Year off right. We think to ourselves, this will be the year: I lose weight, start exercising, eat better, reconnect with old friends, get a new job, etc. These are all great goals but why do we wait till Jan 1st to form a new habit and make positive changes in our lives. This year, let’s make a promise to ourselves that the changes we make this year will be permanent and meaningful. They will set the year off to a positive start. This year I will:

1. I will make myself a priority this year- I will learn to say No to others when I feel overwhelmed and stressed. I will say yes to my needs and wants. This year I will learn its ok to put myself first and take care of myself. This year I will learn that selfish isn’t always a bad word I realize that if I take care of myself, I will be there for others.

2. I will be grateful for what I have- I will take the time to pause and think about all I have. This isn’t about my material objects. This is about my abundance of love, warmth, comfort, care and empathy I receive on a daily basis. This year I will make room in my life for gratitude checks where I spend a few minutes each day thinking about all I have in this life and just being thankful I have my life.

3. I will pay it forward constantly – I will give more of myself everyday. I will inspire, help and empower others on a daily basis.

4. I will step out of my comfort zone this year – I will take risks, add variety and become more creative. This is the year I won’t be stale or stagnate. The word “Bored” will be removed from my word list this year.

5. This year I will be a great role model. This will make me a better parent, mentor, friend and educator. I will teach others by my actions.

6. This year I will become fully aware of my negative thoughts, comments and actions towards myself and others. I will make a conscious effort to be more positive and respectful of others and myself. I realize positive energy, actions and thoughts are all contagious.

7. This year will be the year of action plans. Not only will I set short and long term goal lists but action plans on how to get there. I will write down each detail of my list and follow each step. I will feel a sense of accomplishment because I have taken action.

8. This year I will live in the present. I will let the past be in the past because the past doesn’t equal the future. I will stop worrying about the future because it doesn’t exist. I will not waste my energy being stressed about something that hasn’t happened yet.

9. I will spend less time this year trying to control others and being perfect. Neither one is possible and even though I have known this for many years, I never listened. This year I vow to let go of my controlling issues and perfectionist traits and learn to enjoy life in its messy existence. I will learn to enjoy the unorganized, the messy and not planned life. I will realize at the end of each day – everything works it self out.
10. This year I will say Thank you to everyone I love not just on new years, birthdays and holidays. I will say Sorry when needed, thanks when it’s deserved and I love you just because I do.

11. This year I won’t try so hard to be something/someone I’m not. I will not keep up with the Jones, compare myself to celebrities or wish I was someone else. This year I will learn to spend time alone with myself. I will learn what my likes/dislikes, strengths/weaknesses, dreams and hobbies are. I will becomes fully aware of who I am. This year is the year of me!

12. This year I will let go of all the expectations of what could be or should be but instead just live my life. Sometimes, we get so caught up in our unrealistic expectations that we forget to just enjoy the life that is here right now: Our present life, our present situations, environments and family. We forget to be clear and aware of our surroundings. The love, the warmth. The caring…the friendships…..the affection…I forget to enjoy those simple things.

For more information contact Diane Lang at Lifeline36@aol.com and visit her website : http://www.dlcounseling.com

Posted in Abundance, adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, development, dream life, emotional declutter, Goals, Gratitude, grief, growth, happiness, Holiday stress, Intention, Joy, life coaching, love, Mindfulness, New Years, Parent, parenting, pay it forward, personal development, positive emotions, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, priorities, pro-active, psychology, Resolutions, self help, self-care, spirituality, therapy, Thoughts, transitions, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Combating Loneliness for the Holidays

With the holidays in full swing, we need to remember that this can be very tough and challenging time for many. The holidays are a time people feel pressure to be happy and socially connected but for many this is the toughest time of the year. For some, this is a reminder of broken or lost family ties. We all feel lonely sometimes but what about people who feel loneliness a big percentage of the time? Loneliness is the number one factor for depression outside of mental illness. 1 out of 10 people age 65 and older say they feel lonely often. Half of older people consider TV to be their main form of company. Seniors aren’t the only ones who feel lonely. Any change or transition can cause loneliness. The working mom who decides to become a stay at home mom; empty-nesters,anyone who has moved to a new location, divorce, loss of a loved one, etc. Anyone can feel chronic loneliness but the good news is there are ways to combat loneliness and bring happiness back into your life.
1. Connect better with others by being an active listener. If we put our attention completely on someone else, we connect in a meaningful way. When we become an active listener, the other person knows we care and that they are being heard.
2. Pay it forward – do something for someone else whether it’s a random act of kindness, being a volunteer, etc. When we do something nice for others we also reap the benefits of a boost of happiness that can last 24-72 hours.
3. Be open and vulnerable- to have close relationships we need to let people in.
4. Reach out to others – call up your friends and family and make the plans. Set up activities. Be the planner.
5. Avoid feeling sorry for yourself and be proactive – enjoy your time alone. Do something you love, start the hobby or class you always wanted to.
6. Find solitude in silence by meditating, prayer, gratitude or sitting in nature. Meditation that is done for 8 weeks or longer is linked with decreased loneliness.
7. Try something new – step outside your comfort zone! Add variety into your life. We can get in a rut and feel depressed. So change it up a little bit even taking a different route to work can give us a boost of happiness.
8. Social media – connect on-line through social media, Skype or chat groups. You can also meet new people through social media or meetups just to name a few. If you’re not that comfortable with computers/social media this could be your chance to learn something new and take a class!
9. Become a pet owner- pets lower blood pressure, they have a calming effect and makes you feel needed plus they are so cute and lovable.
10. Reach out to existing relationships and strengthen the bond.
11. Loneliness is contagious- it makes people negative and angry which causes other people to not want to be around them. So think twice when feeling negative. Also, find positive people to socialize with. Happy moods are contagious too!
12. Avoid escapes such as sleeping too much, watching too much TV, etc it can lead to loneliness/isolation and depression.
This holiday season reach out to those around you. Make the effort to check on family, friends, neighbors, etc.

 

About Diane Lang…

Diane Lang ― Therapist, Educator and Life Coach
As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet. For more information please visit: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at dlcounseling2014@gmail.com

Posted in Abundance, adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, development, emotional declutter, fear, Gratitude, grief, growth, happiness, Holiday stress, Intention, Joy, life coaching, loneliness, love, Mindfulness, personal development, positive emotions, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, priorities, pro-active, psychology, self help, self-care, spirituality, therapy, Thoughts, transitions, Uncategorized, workshops | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Importance of Positive Emotions

With the stress of the holidays, we can often find ourselves feeling worried, frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed, fearful, etc. Instead, let’s focus on adding more positive emotions to our day especially through the holiday season.

Positive emotions cause us to live an optimistic lifestyle. When we feel these emotions frequently in life, they cause us to live a happier, healthier life. Positive emotions help us sleep better, feel more resilient, increase creativity, open your mind, broaden your awareness of the world, be open to new opportunities, socialize more and extend our lifespan. We want you to focus on having more positive emotions, but not to eliminate or avoid negative emotions. Negative emotions are a natural part of life and should not be avoided. We need to feel to heal. We just don’t want you to get stuck having a “Negative Default.”

After going through the list of emotions, ask yourself:

What can I do to feel these emotions more often?
How can I add more of these emotions into my day?
What triggers these emotions?

Pick a different emotion each day for 2 weeks and see if you can bring out the emotion in others, show the emotion to others or add more of that emotion to your day.

Positive Emotions- these are the top 10 positive emotions, but there are more.
1. Love- #1 frequently felt emotion. Love encompasses all the positive emotions below. Savor the experiences with people you love.
2. Joy – Creates the urge to play, be creative, push the limits. It’s a perfect moment when everything is as it should be.
3. Gratitude – It creates our hearts to open and see all the good in our lives.
4. Serenity- Creating a peaceful moment where we are in the present moment.
5. Interest – is a heightened state that calls your attention to something new that inspires you and leaves you wanting more.
6. Hope – Its knowing there is a better future ahead. You realize today and yesterday don’t dictate your tomorrow. It lets you know that possibilities exist.
7. Pride – A sense of pleasure for attaining an achievement. Creates the urge to share good news with others.
8. Amusement – Unexpected moments that make you laugh. It causes fun in your life. Be intentional and make amusement part of your week.
9. Inspiration – Witness excellence and then aspire to reach it, it also touches your heart.
10. Awe/Wonderment – Overwhelmed by greatness. It connects us to the world around us.
As you go through each emotion, ask yourself the following questions:
1. When was the last time I felt this emotion? Where was I? What was I doing?
2. What else gives me that feeling?
3. What else can I do to cultivate that feeling?
Here are a few more questions to ask ourselves to help to feel positive emotions
1. What went right today?
2. What’s going right in my life?
3. What am I grateful for in my life? Today?
4. Who can I say, “Thank you” to?
5. What brings me happiness?
6. What can I celebrate?
7. What’s beautiful in my physical environment?

Diane’s Focus Points:

Happiness
Mindfulness
Emotional Wellness
Stress Management
Positive Parenting
Positive Aging
Positive Thinking
Emotional Intelligence

About Diane Lang

Diane Lang ― Therapist, Educator and Life Coach

As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

For more information please visit http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane

dlcounseling2014@gmail.com

 

 

Posted in Abundance, adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, development, dream life, emotional declutter, empathy, Goals, Gratitude, growth, happiness, Holiday stress, Intention, Joy, life coaching, love, Mindfulness, parenting, pay it forward, personal development, positive emotions, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, priorities, pro-active, psychology, Resolutions, school, self help, self-care, spirituality, therapy, Thoughts, transitions, Uncategorized, values | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Stop the Panic

Stop the Panic

 

If you ever had a panic attack, you know how scary they can be. Anyone who has had an attack wants to know what causes them and why they happen. For many people, an anxiety attack is due to anticipatory anxiety – worrying about the future and even creating a story of what the future would look like based on fear and other emotions such as anger, being hurt, sad, etc. The story can also be based on past experiences or past anxiety attacks.
Another reason we have anxiety attacks when we least expect it or in safe places like at home or at a social event are because of our thoughts. I have had clients who have had attacks at home in their bed while trying to go to sleep. They can’t understand why they would have an attack at that moment. They are safe in their bed but when we shut off our TV, Technology and sitting in the dark trying to fall asleep, that’s when our inner clutter starts. And for many, it can be very negative. Pay attention to what you are thinking, your thoughts can make you anxious, worried and upset. A lot of times it’s our unconscious thoughts that cause us to have an attack.
When we are in the panic attack, we usually ask ourselves over and over: “Why?” Unfortunately, this isn’t very helpful. We can ask why repeatedly but never get an answer, we are already so anxious and in a state of panic, that you can’t find or see the answer at that moment. The other factor is when you ask yourself why, you are usually already upset, angry or scared so you won’t get an answer, you will just get more and more upset, angry and fearful that you can’t find the answer.
Instead of “Why” ask yourself:
What is going on at this moment? Pay attention to what you are feeling and thinking. Be self-aware, conscious in the moment. Don’t be in the past or the future.
How should I respond? What has worked for you before? What self-soothes you? Calms you?
*Remember, panic attacks always end. They are temporary.
Reasons for Panic Attacks – you can take control by understanding the reasons behind your anxiety attacks and act to move forward.
1. It could be your genetics. You can ask your family members to see if its inherited.
2. Childhood- You could have had situations that caused you to be anxious such as death of a loved one, severe illness or injury, addiction, divorce, etc. Were you the nurturer as a child and put in a situation that you had to take care of adults even though you were the child? Did you watch your parents be anxious or have anxiety attacks? You could have learned the behavior. All learned behavior can be changed. It takes work, but it is possible. We can Re-train our brain to go from negative to positive.
3. Adulthood- for many it’s growing up. It’s the fear of becoming an adult- getting a job, paying bills, mortgage, marriage, etc. These fears are normal. Ask yourself: Do I have a support system to help me through this challenging time? Would talking with a counselor be helpful? Mentor? Am I setting up realistic expectations? Am I living my true life?
4. Stress – are you going through a stressful time in life? Did you go through a series of bad events? Experience loss? Major changes/transitions? Be kind and compassionate to yourself through these tough times. Life is a roller coaster ride filled with ups and downs, you will have a mix of good and bad times, it’s how you embrace change.

 

Diane Lang Bio― Therapist, Educator and Life Coach

As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

For more information please visit: http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

 

Posted in Abundance, adult education, beliefs, Change, coaching, Conscious living, counseling, cultivate happiness, declutter, development, dream life, emotional declutter, fear, Goals, Gratitude, grief, growth, happiness, Intention, Joy, life coaching, Mindfulness, personal development, positive parenting, positive psychology, Positive Psychology coaching, priorities, pro-active, psychology, self help, self-care, therapy, Thoughts, transitions, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Don’t Take it Personally

Have you ever heard the statement “Don’t take it personally, it’s not about you” ?
Even though this statement is usually true, it’s a hard statement to accept and believe when we have been hurt by people we care about.
Taking things personally can affect our self-esteem.
It can trigger our insecure side and feelings of unworthiness.
We can feel that being treated bad is justifying our belief that we are just not enough or worthy to others.

But we do have a choice, we don’t have to take things so personally and we can manage our reactions.

Here are a few ways to stop taking things so personally:

Have a strong sense of self: knowing your worth will help you realize that other people’s behaviors and actions are not about you. It will help stop you from second guessing, assuming that you did something wrong and creating a story in your head.
Know your triggers: there will be certain things from your past that stay with you and can be triggered when you’re feeling hurt. My childhood had me dealing with many self-centered people who were close to me. When I met up with self-centered people in adulthood, it immediately triggers me. A great way to realize you are being triggered is through mind-body connection. We can tell when we are being triggered by how it affects us physically. Do you tense up? Do you get a headache? Does your stomach start turning? Pay attention to the physical reaction when near people who trigger you.
Set boundaries and limitations with people who trigger you- make sure the boundaries and limitations are healthy for you. For example: We can limit the amount of time we spend with a person or what topics we discuss. We can choose to see certain people in large groups to avoid the one-on-one conversation.
What is the story you are telling yourself? When we get hurt or upset, we create a story of why it happens. Most of the time the “why” is based on our past experiences, not based on truth or fact. We make an assumption of why someone ignored or hurt us. Then, we run with it and create a full blown story without even knowing the truth.
Remember the hard truth: we can only control ourselves and our reactions. We can’t change how others treat us but we can decide to avoid people who make us feel bad. We can also remember that their behaviors/actions are a reflection of themselves and what they are going through. Don’t make it about you when it doesn’t have to be.

October Appearances that are open to the public :

Monday, October 22nd & 29th, 7pm – Mindfully Happy – Waking Up to Life
Madison Civic Center, NJ
Register: 973-443-9222

Wednesday, October 24th, 6:30pm – Stress Less, Savor More
Caldwell Continuing Education, NJ
Register: 973-228-2092

October 25th- November 8th, 1:30pm – Emotional Wellness Series
Sussex Community College, NJ
Register: 908-689-7613

Thursday, October 25th, 7pm – Emotional Detox – Dealing with Negative People
Morristown Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-292-2063

Tuesday, October 30th, 7pm – Stress Less, Savor More
Morristown Adult School, NJ
Register: 973-292-2063

Diane Lang ― Therapist, Educator and Life Coach

As a Therapist, Educator and Positive Living Expert, Diane has dedicated her career to helping people turn their lives around and is now on a mission to help them develop a sustainable positive attitude that can actually turn one into an optimist, literally.

Through her three books, “Creating Balance & Finding Happiness”, “Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career” and “ Mindfully Happy- waking up to life.” Diane has been speaking and empowering people nationwide. She is also an Adjunct in Psychology at Montclair State University, where her college work includes mentoring students for personal issue advisement.

As an expert in her fields of therapy, Lang has been featured in the Daily Record, Family Circle, Family Magazine, Working Mother Magazine and Cookie Magazine, seen on NJ 12 TV, Good day CT, Style CT, The Veira Network, CBS TV and “Fox & Friends”. She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet.

For more information please visit Diane at http://www.dlcounseling.com or email Diane at DLCounseling2014@gmail.com

 

 

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